Scenarios: What We Want
by adcgordon
Summary: After a half-decade of give and take, sharing, discussing, friendship and love, how do we move forward? It comes down to what we want...and whether or not we can ever find it.
1. For Sale

**You may call this my way of 'working through it'. Zanessa fans, you know what I mean. But for many of you that I've 'talked' to over the past few years, you know there isn't a true way to do that! You know what they (you _KNOW_ who I mean) have marked on our hearts and what will _forever _be there. So, here's another one of my _'you may not like this'_ kind of stories but I'm ready to put it out there.**

**I always, ALWAYS, appreciate your reviews, pm's, comments, facebook notes or however you choose to message me! Good, bad or indifferent, I enjoy hearing from everyone. For those who pm me, if I don't answer, slap me again - electronically of course! - and I will do my best to respond!**

**And, just so you ALL know, I am still KTZLF'ing - and I hope you are too! ;)  
>-adc<strong>

* * *

><p>"I'm selling the house."<p>

Zac's father looked at his 23 year old son sitting in their back yard picking at blades of grass. The young man didn't look up at his father but he could feel the paternal stress in his father's voice. David worked hard not to cross his arms and was obviously choosing his words carefully.

"When did you come to that decision?" David questioned with a slightly agitated voice.

Zac sighed and finally twisted his neck to squint up at the older man. "Before I came up here. I talked to a realtor last week. She's just waiting on my word to put it on the market."

David sat down in the lawn chair at the edge of the patio and nodded his head. The seat put him close to eye level with his son. This was the same son that had barely spoken to David or Starla when he appeared in the living room three nights prior. It was the same son who had taken a backpack and set out alone two days ago with a simple _"I'll be back tomorrow."_ And it was the same son who had returned, showered and locked himself in his former bedroom until just an hour ago when he had escaped to the backyard that had offered him a respite during his childhood.

"Care to tell me why you want to sell it?" Zac's father did his best to let his curious tone of voice shine through.

The sandy-brown haired man returned to picking at the grass around his flip-flop covered toes. "I just need new space."

Again David nodded. "Where do you plan to move?"

Zac pulled a blade of grass and held it between his fingers as he began to tear it bit by bit. He shrugged his shoulders and looked out across the yard where he had grown up. He stared at the space where a swing-set used to sit. There was now a cozy, two person glider sitting in that space with a lovely flower garden planted opposite it.

Since his family returned from their vacation to Oregon it had been downhill. Hell, it had been downhill before they even went on the vacation. Zac had enjoyed the time with his family and some old friends. Just being away was exactly what he had needed. It was time to think, time that he could be alone and time that he could make some decisions without the entire weight of the world being on his shoulders.

"I don't know yet. I'm still trying to figure things out. There's a house in Malibu that's up for lease. I think I'm gonna put most of my stuff in storage and just stay there for a while till I can get everything together. I wasn't exactly sure which direction my life was going, but this…_split…_has just thrown everything into…well, it's kinda chaos in my head."

David watched as Zac pulled his knees up and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his legs then placing his chin gingerly against the crease between his kneecaps. Zac's father had been on the lookout for this sign for more than a month now. The signal that perhaps his son was finally accepting what had happened between him and his longtime girlfriend, and the fact that Zac needed to find a way to move forward.

"Zac, are you ok?" David asked very simply as he leaned over and placed a hand in his son's hair.

Zac shook his head and tucked his tongue between his bottom lip and teeth. He shook his head without a word and stared straight forward.

"It's hard, Son. I…I know it's hard. Your Mom and I are still trying to wrap our heads around it, so we know it's not easy for you…" David let his voice drift off and pulled his hand away from his son.

"That's why I need to get rid of the house. I need a fresh start, need to clean things out and just get back to me," Zac answered, then swallowed the rough lump in his throat. "I'm not gonna let this break me."

"It's ok if it does," David filled the moment of silence. "Zac, you know, I'm not even sure what to say and I've been thinking about this for what, three months now? I think I'm almost as confused as you are…maybe even more. But I know one thing. I know it's turned your life upside down and your mom and I, we know you've gotta work things out on your own. Just know that we're here for you, ok? If you need to bounce things off of us or you just need to scream or cry or gripe or whatever, we are right here. We're not going anywhere."

Zac chuckled sarcastically for a second and lifted his chin to look at his father out of the corner of his eyes. "You know I've heard that line before."

David tilted his head matching his son's sarcasm with a simple look.

"It came out of the mouth of a beautiful brunette who is now my _friend._" Zac raised his hands to put the air quotes around his final word.

The two men sat for another few minutes before Zac stood and wiped the grass off the back of his pants. David looked up at him still wondering what was going through his son's mind. Zac put a hand on his father's shoulder and leaned against him.

"I need to go back home and start packing. But I will be leaning on you and Mom, and probably even Dylan. I know _you guys_ aren't going anywhere."

David stood and sucked in a breath as he shared a hug with his oldest son. "We're right here Zac."

The two men pulled apart and David took the chance to rake his hand through Zac's short haircut. "I mean, what choice do we have? We're kinda stuck with you!"

The smile on his son's face meant the world to David in that moment. It was a genuine smile; one that had been few and far between since the day Zac and Vanessa decided to take a break from each other.

**ZVZVZVZVZV**

Three hours south of San Luis Obispo, California, the tone was much lighter with the brunette that Zac had mentioned to his father. She climbed off the back of the motorcycle and slung the backpack over her shoulder as the dark haired man slid the gloves off his hands.

"So what's next?" Josh called as he lowered the kickstand and let his bike rest on the street in front of Vanessa's house.

"Nothing." Vanessa let out a relieved sigh and then twisted her lips together in thought. "Well, unless you want to count grocery shopping."

Josh laughed. "Not an errand you can run on the bike, unless you're only talking a bag or two of food."

Vanessa pulled the scrunchie from her hair to let the ponytail fall free across her shoulders. "Nah. I'll just go later tonight. I'll make Mom or Stellz go with me." She grinned as her 18 year old co-star stepped closer to her.

"Does that mean there's nothing for lunch?" Josh wiped the smile from his face as the two started climbing the copious stairs to Vanessa's front door. He watched as Vanessa shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Men," she huffed with a laugh. "You are all about filling your stomachs aren't you? Zac was always…" she hesitated on a step midway up the staircase and sucked in a breath as she replayed the words she had just said in her mind.

"I'm sorry." She smiled softly at Josh just a couple of steps ahead of her. "I said I was gonna stop that."

Josh looked back at her and held out his hand. He tilted his head and pressed his lips together. "It's ok, Van. I know it takes time. It's ok, really."

Vanessa looked toward her feet and nodded at his understanding. She hid the cringe, however, that ran through her when he used the nickname that Zac had given to her. _I can't let him keep using Zac's nickname…for my sake, I can't._

The two made their way in the front door of Vanessa's house and headed toward the kitchen. "Sit." Vanessa pointed to one of the bar stools and gently ordered her guest to take a seat.

Josh laughed and climbed onto the seat while keeping a close eye on the 22 year old woman in front of him. "Van…" he started again only to see Vanessa turn hastily toward him with her hand in the air.

"Ok…" Vanessa started and then took a deep breath. She leaned her hip against the sink in an attempt to relax her stance. "That name…um…Van…" she swallowed slightly and then bit slightly on her bottom lip. "That's just…maybe you can call me something else?"

Josh creased his dark eyebrows together and then leaned his head back as he recalled hearing Zac talk to Vanessa during one of his visits to the movie set. "That's _his_ name for you," the young man remembered verbally.

Vanessa nodded and smiled, still with a slight bit of tension showing in her neck and shoulders.

"I'm sorry. How about I just stick to Nessa, or Ness maybe?" Josh suggested.

"Yeah," Vanessa spoke somewhat quietly. "That's what my family uses. That'd be great, if you don't care."

Josh nodded and held out his hand. "Fair enough. You've got yourself a deal."

Vanessa giggled and pushed herself away from the sink so that she could take his hand and offer a firm shake. From there she began fixing sandwiches for both of them for lunch.

**ZVZVZVZVZV**

"If I don't have to look at another script for months I'd be a happy camper." Josh flopped onto the couch in Vanessa's den and looked around for the remote control.

Vanessa followed him by just a few steps after looking through her mail and opening a couple of packages that were obviously the very things that Josh didn't want to see. Still she settled herself on the other end of the sofa and began to look at the pages.

"Va…Ness, seriously?" Josh pointed at the sheets. "You're getting ready to start your promo tour. Take a break for a little bit."

"But I want to get an idea of what's out there. I need to know what I'm getting into next, once the _Sucker Punch_ stuff is done," she answered his teasing comments.

"Why?" The young man scooted a little closer to her and relaxed his back against the cool leather.

"Because…" Vanessa offered and then began to think. _Because that's what Zac taught me to do._ The words automatically went through her mind.

Her eyes wandered around the room and settled on the video game console. "Because that's just what I'm used to doing. There's nothing wrong with staying one step ahead and knowing what's coming up next." Her voice took on a slightly defensive tone.

Josh nodded slowly. He had heard and read various interviews that Vanessa's ex-boyfriend had given, and some quotes that she had said herself. _Their _private life had included staying in, watching movies and reading scripts. No, there was nothing wrong with staying one step ahead…unless it was tying her to _him_.

"Change of subject." Josh leaned forward and reached into his back pocket to pull out a folded piece of computer paper. He held it up and scanned over the various lines typed on it.

Vanessa put the script in her lap and rested her elbow on the back of the sofa. She began twirling her index finger through her hair as she watched him with a semi-curious look. Finally she caved with a simple, "What's that?" coming out as a near mumble.

"Well, Blondie, if you must know…hey! That's it…I'm going to be completely different and call you by your current character's name!" He smiled toward Vanessa whose look told him she wasn't obviously pleased with that choice. "Oh, come on…give it a chance. It'll grow on you!" Josh pushed.

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Fine, whatever. If I don't answer you'll know…"

"I'll know that I need to say it more and more and more until you get used to it!" He flashed a grin at her again and then leaned toward her placing a hand on her knee. Josh stealthily slid a couple of his fingers through the gaping hole in her jeans and caressed her knee causing Vanessa to jerk her leg slightly, unsure if she wanted that sort of touch or not from this teenage man who was basically the same age as Zac's younger brother.

She didn't push Josh to move his hand but her body language told him she was unsure. Josh let the tip of his index finger glide quickly over her kneecap and then moved his hand back to his own lap.

Vanessa sat up a bit straighter and looked toward the paper. "So are you gonna tell me what that is or not?"

Josh took a deep breath and held it for just a second. "Well, you know," he started slowly, "I mentioned that I've been thinking about moving." He stopped for a second and let his bottom teeth graze over his top lip.

Vanessa twisted her head away from his direction and nodded. Her eyes remained on the sheet of paper.

"Well, since we've been riding around here I just started thinking that maybe I might find something here in Studio City, or somewhere not too far from here."

He moved the paper to the coffee table in front of him and planted his gaze on the typing as he waited for Vanessa's reaction. He noticed the fidgeting of her naked toes first, and then saw that her arms were gradually beginning to cross across her stomach.

"I…I haven't found anything…I mean, I haven't even seriously started looking or anything…" Josh stumbled in his explanation.

Vanessa made a point to lean forward and then slowly push herself up off the couch. "Well, that's…I mean…it's your choice," she finally decided on saying. "You have to decide where you want to live and all. Sure there are a bunch of great houses around here, but … I mean… you have to decide." She began to walk out of the den and back toward the kitchen.

"Vanessa?" Josh called after her.

"I – I'm just gonna get some water. Do you want something to drink?" Her voice drifted back into the den making Josh get up to follow her.

He stopped in the living room beside the couch and looked again at the paper that he was carrying with him. He watched Vanessa pull a couple of glasses out of the cabinet and licked his lips before he continued.

"Well, the thing is, there's a house that may be going up for sale over on Woodrow Wilson." He took a deep breath as he saw Vanessa practically freeze in her spot. "Isn't that the road Zac lives on?" he dared to ask.

Vanessa met his eyes without a smile. "Yeah." Her mouth didn't move to form a smile, a frown or any other indicator of what she was thinking. She put the glasses down on the counter beside the refrigerator and stepped slowly toward Josh.

"What's the house number?" She asked and reached for the paper as she came just a few steps away from Josh.

He held the paper out and watched as she took it from him and perused the information. He already knew what to expect in her eyes as she reached the line containing the address. Josh saw the tell-tale lip biting before her eyes looked up at him with a nearly blank glaze.

"That's his house?" Josh asked quietly.

Vanessa handed the paper back to Josh and turned her back with determination as he heard her suck in a deep breath. "Yep. That's his." She spoke and then moved back to the glasses on the counter and proceeded to pour two glasses of water.

Josh moved behind her into the kitchen and took the glass that she pushed into his hands. She sipped and wandered aimlessly around the large tiled area before dumping half the glass of ice and water down the drain and nearly breaking the glass as she placed it in the sink.

"Nessa…" Josh purposefully stayed several steps away from her as he realized more and more that his real estate discovery was a complete surprise to this woman, whom he really wanted to call his girlfriend.

She leaned against the sink and looked back at him with a lost look in her eyes. "Um…what other houses have you found?" she asked absently. "Believe me, you wouldn't even want to look at Zac's house. It's a nice place but he's had all sorts of problems with the pool…and he hasn't done a lot with it. I mean, he left the first floor completely bare concrete so he could skateboard. How crazy is that?"

Josh placed his hands against the edge of the island and leaned against it. He shook his head while she was watching him. "Oh…I wouldn't…that's not…I wouldn't want Zac's house. I mean there's too much…"

The 18 year old quickly shook his head at himself for digging such a hole so quickly. He sighed with frustration knowing he might as well just say what was on his mind. "Nessa, I wouldn't want Zac's house because _IF_ you and I…if there's any chance of us dating…I'm not stupid. I couldn't take you back to a place that you already know better than I do. It'd never be my house…it'll always be his."

Vanessa listened to what he was saying. She took a moment to let the meaning of his words sink in. Then she took another moment to think of the house. Josh was right, she had spent a lot of time in that house. And at that very moment in time she couldn't imagine why Zac would want to sell it.

Josh watched as the emotions rolled across her face. He hung his head down and folded up the paper to put back in his pocket. "I should probably go," he commented slowly.

Vanessa's eyes looked up at him making her tilt her head sadly. "I'm sorry. I'm really overreacting to this."

"No…" he answered gently and dared to step toward her. "I kinda threw that at you…all of it actually, and I should apologize. I really didn't think…I guess I thought you probably knew that he was thinking about selling it. It kinda caught me off guard too, but I thought you knew already," he rambled.

Vanessa looked up at him and offered a quiet smile. "It's fine, really. No big deal, ok? You don't need to apologize at all. I'm glad you told me."

Josh opened his arms and pressed his lips together waiting to see if she would accept his hug offering. She cautiously stepped toward him and let him wrap his arms around her. She wrapped her own around his chest squeezing only slightly.

Vanessa felt his lips place a soft kiss in her hair before his hold released and he stepped away from her.

"So, I'm gonna go. Are you sure you're ok?" He asked almost shyly.

Vanessa nodded and put on her face of reassurance. As much as she didn't want to be alone, she wasn't sure that Josh was the one that she wanted to be with her at this very time.

"Go, I'm fine. Really." She moved with him toward the front door and placed a hand on his back.

She leaned against the door as he stepped down the first step. "Hey, Josh?" She waited till he turned toward her then smiled again. "Blondie is fine. If that's really what you want to call me…it's fine." She forced her smile to grow a little wider as he grinned back at her.

"It's either that or Ass-Kickin' Brunette." He let his grin shift to a sideways smile along his left cheek.

"Blondie's good then," she said with a shake of her head.

She watched as he made his way down the curved concrete steps and kept the door open until he was on the motorcycle and looking back at her.

"I'll call you later, ok?" Josh yelled from the street.

Vanessa nodded her agreement and then pushed the door until it latched. She continued watching until he had his helmet and gloves on and rolled down the road.

Once the dark haired man was out of sight her mind turned back to the dirty-blond haired one…the one who was apparently getting ready to sell his house that sat less than ten minutes away from hers…the one who hadn't mentioned to her that he wanted to sell his house. And for some reason the thought of him being farther away suddenly gripped her heart and caused the tears to flow.

**WhatWeWant-Chapter1-WhatWeWant**


	2. Different Directions

**In Chapter 1 of What We Want:**

_"I'm selling the house."  
>-<em>  
><em>She leaned against the sink and looked back at Josh with a lost look in her eyes. "Um…what other houses have you found?" she asked absently. "Believe me, you wouldn't even want to look at Zac's house. It's a nice place but he's had all sorts of problems with the pool…and he hasn't done a lot with it. I mean, he left the first floor completely bare concrete so he could skateboard. How crazy is that?"<br>_

_Vanessa looked up at him and offered a quiet smile. "It's fine, really. No big deal, ok? You don't need to apologize at all. I'm glad you told me."_

_Josh opened his arms and pressed his lips together waiting to see if she would accept his hug offering. She cautiously stepped toward him and let him wrap his arms around her. She wrapped her own around his chest squeezing only slightly.  
>-<em>  
><em>Once the dark haired man was out of sight her mind turned back to the dirty-blond haired one…the one who was apparently getting ready to sell his house that sat less than ten minutes away from hers…the one who hadn't mentioned to her that he wanted to sell his house. And for some reason the thought of him being farther away suddenly gripped her heart and caused the tears to flow.<em>

* * *

><p><strong>What We Want - Chapter 2 - Different Directions<strong>

"Mom?" Zac stood at the door of the kitchen watching his mother peel carrots to go into the salad for the family dinner that night.

Starla turned her head and looked at her son with a soft smile on her face. "Hey there," she greeted and then put the vegetable and knife down on the counter. She wiped her hands on the dish towel at the sink and then turned her body completely toward him, opening her arms wide for her older son.

"How are you?" Zac asked as he walked on into the room and nearly melted into his mother's warm embrace.

"I should be asking you that. I'm fine." Starla pushed against her son's biceps and pulled her face back to look into his weary eyes.

"Why don't I believe that?" Zac smiled at his mother with closed lips as she raised one of her hands to let her thumb graze over his cheek.

"Gee, maybe because I'm worried about you and I'm a little scared to ask you about anything because I'm afraid of your answer. Not to mention your little brother is now at college. Need I say more?" Starla leaned up and kissed Zac's forehead before pulling away from him and turning back toward her work.

Zac followed her to the kitchen counter and leaned against it as he picked up one of the carrots and snapped off the tip before popping it into his mouth. "That last thought alone should be enough to scare all of us," he commented while crunching the orange stick.

He stood watching his mom for a minute. "What do you want to ask me? You've never been scared to ask me anything, Mom. You gave me condoms for Christmas for God's sake. Why all of a sudden would you be scared?"

Starla shrugged her shoulders and chopped the greens off the end of the next carrot with a little more force. "Because _she _has hurt you. I'm upset about that. But you still love her, and I'm afraid I'll say something that will hurt you and I don't want to do that."

Zac leaned away from his mother and pulled his eyebrows together with a bit of worry. "What would you say; something bad about Vanessa? Mom, even in the worst situations you've never said anything bad about her."

"Zac, in the worst situation, up to this point, your heart wasn't on the line. When you two have argued in the past, or she's been hurting and you're angry at the tabloids…or whatever the situation…you have been strong. You've rolled right along and had a strong head on your shoulders." Starla held the vegetable peeler in the air and pointed it at him. "The past two weeks…the man I've watched the past couple of days…" she directed the instrument up and down his body, "…this isn't my son."

She turned her focus back to the objects in her hands and began running the peeler quickly over the length. She took a quick breath and held it then let it out slowly. "What were you talking to your dad about in the back yard earlier?" She attempted to change the focus.

Zac moved from the counter to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. "I'm trying to get back to myself, Mom. That's one of the things I was telling Dad. I need to make some changes." He stopped to take a long drink of the cool liquid.

"What sort of changes? Changes to get Vanessa back…or to get her out of your life?" Starla chanced the question slowly with her best calm voice, even with the anger she was trying to get rid of in her own system.

Zac noticed his mom's posture stiffen as she nosed into his business, something he was surprised had not happened sooner. "Mom, spill it."

"Spill what? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mom. Vanessa is…_was_ practically family. The two of us not being together…it's not just hurting me. It's hurting you, too. I realize that." He moved to the table in the room and sat down on it waiting for his mother to turn around.

Instead Starla carved even harder on the vegetable. "I just don't understand. At Christmas this was a _break_. When did it turn into a _break-up_? I _just_ don't get it."

Her shoulders drooped with the last words she said. Zac watched, feeling the tears and emotions welling up inside of her. The emotional toll was more than trying and telling as he watched the thoughts go through her mind.

"Mom, I don't know either. I'm not sure what happened or didn't happen. She wants to see other people. The distance, for her, I guess, is too much to work through. It's either that…or…" Zac swallowed and ducked his head as his mother turned to face him.

"Or what?" She watched with concern as the 23 year old on that table turned into the vulnerable 16 year old who had fallen in love with his first real crush.

"Or I have to face the fact that she doesn't love me the way I love her." He laced his fingers together in his lap and slightly swung his legs back and forth over the side of the table, attempting to keep the sad edge out of his voice.

To his mother, it didn't work. "Zac, no… No! Do you hear me? Vanessa loves you just as much. We can see it when she looks at you, and the way she talks to you and touches you and just clings to you," Starla tried to reassure her son.

"Used to, Mom. Used to. The way she _used_ to look at me, the way she _talked_ to me or _touched_ me. It's all past tense now." He moved his hands to grip the sides of the table and looked up to see his mother's matching tears as she stepped toward him and wrapped her arms around him.

"I think that's what this boils down to, Mom. I loved…I _love_ her differently than how she loved me. Somewhere along the way…she decided she needed something different than what I was giving her. Or maybe I was trying to give or take too much, you know?"

Zac let Starla hold him with the few tears in his eyes that he couldn't keep from forming. He heard her sniffle and swore he could hear the tears dropping from her eyes. But for a few minutes he just stayed in his mother's arms - one place he finally found a bit of comfort, and could be a child again.

Finally he pulled back and took a deep breath. "I'm gonna sell my house. That's what Dad and I were talking about…what I was thinking about in the back yard."

Starla looked at him for a moment before even attempting to answer. "Do you think that's a good idea, Zac?"

Zac nodded slowly and moved his hands back to his lap. "I feel like I'm too close to her. There's too much in that house, too many memories. I can't go into any room of _my_ house without something reminding me of her." He let out another breath through his nose as he regained his composure. "I need to get back to me. It's been me and Van for five years. I've gotta figure out who I am, without her."

Starla crossed her arms over her chest and stared through blurry eyes. "Is that even possible?"

Zac swallowed and shook his head just once. "I don't have much of a choice. I have responsibilities, Mom. I've gotta get my head screwed back on. I don't know how else to do that right now except to just get back to me."

Starla stretched her chin out and took her own deep breath. She stepped back to her son, placed her hands on his knees and looked into his eyes. "What can we do to help you?"

**ZVZVZVZVZV**

Vanessa stood in her kitchen with her back leaning against the door frame. She looked around with a blank mind, not really looking for or at anything. Something felt different. In the empty house that she had worked to make her home, she felt something different.

A piece of her, she realized, felt empty.

She stared at the iPhone before going to the counter and picking up the device. She scrolled and tapped until she was on the web searching for the name that she only vaguely remembered. The real estate agent wasn't the same person she had used but she could remember Zac talking about the woman and the various houses that he had looked at during his search.

She hesitated when she located the person that she was pretty sure she wanted to talk to. A second thought hit Vanessa, though, before she could hit the 'call' button. Instead of dialing, she reached for a piece of paper and a pen to write down the agent's name, agency, and number.

After closing the browser she took a deep breath and felt the pout forming on her lips along with the tingling in her nose and the familiar moisture under her bottom eyelids. As much as she wanted to just call Zac and demand that he answer her questions, she was scared to. She was afraid of what his answers might be. So she pulled up a blank screen and typed a simple text.

"_Are you back in LA?"_

She left the message with the five word question and hit send. As she stared at the phone, she realized she hadn't talked to Zac in over a week. He was out of state the last time; in Oregon maybe? Their conversation had been short but hadn't seemed any less friendly than others they had had recently.

He had called after she had been out with a new friend, Laura, and Brittany. Zac had just wanted to check and see how her upcoming promo tour was shaping up, and to let her know that he was out of town with his family. Nothing out of the ordinary…_except_…she thought for a minute as she leaned against the kitchen island.

Vanessa remembered asking him if he wanted her to pick up the mail for him like she had done in the past when he was gone. His answer this time, though, had been a quick '_No_,' with an additional line about another friend picking it up…because he didn't want to bother her. _"No need for you to bother going all the way over to the house just for that. When I get back to LA you can come over and pick up anything you need to," _he had said.

Her stomach turned as she thought about that information now. He wasn't just talking about mail. Vanessa felt more tears forming in her eyes. He was talking about her belongings…that were still at his house.

She jumped slightly as the phone buzzed in her hands. She was glad, more now than even moments ago, that she had decided to text instead of calling him. The thoughts going through her mind, mixed with the sound of Zac's voice, would have her in tears more quickly than she could imagine.

Vanessa swiped her finger tips under both her eyes just to clear the wetness before opening his return message.

"_Still in SLO. Everything ok?"_

"No," she answered the text verbally with a slight huff as the word came out loud from her mouth.

Her fingers deceived her as she punched in a reply. _"Yeah. Just wondering. You sure I don't need to check on the house?"_ She hit 'send' with a slight hope that he would tell her to go over there. But her heart knew his answer before the next buzz vibrated in her palm.

"_Nah, all good. Thx. TTYL."_

And that was it. She stared at the end of their conversation. The empty hole opened up just a little more making her realize just how deeply embedded Zac was in her heart.

Vanessa pulled out a chair at the table and sat down without closing the text message. She put the phone on the table and just looked at it. He was doing what they had agreed to do. He was giving her space, putting distance between them, trying to give them each an opportunity to be individuals once more.

Vanessa let different thoughts ramble through her mind. The problem was, one thought suggested, what kind of an individual would she be…without him? She was trying to get accustomed to Zac not being a phone call or short drive away. Now reality gave her a fact she wasn't ready to accept. _I have to get used to him not being here…at all._

She laid her arms on the table and bent her head over to rest against them. "_I thought I knew what I wanted,"_ she whispered against her own skin. "_This wasn't supposed to be part of it."_

**ZVZVZVZVZV**

Zac looked back at the messages he had just received and held the phone up for his mother to see. He fidgeted with the casing on the phone as he looked at the words and tilted his head in thought as his eyes wandered over the texture of the table.

"Sounds like she just wants to go to your house," Starla again crossed her arms over her chest.

"Mama," Zac scolded her. "There's no reason for you to be upset here. Don't be mad at Vanessa. We're both young and we got smacked with a _lot_ of stuff and emotions and whatever. Yes, I'm still trying to figure this out, but so is she." Zac watched his mom suck in a deep breath and relax, at least a bit.

"I tend to forget how young you are, and that she's younger than you," Starla patted Zac on the shoulder and turned back to fixing dinner while he stared at the text message for another moment.

"It's gonna be hard, you know," Zac began to think out loud. "Should I…maybe, I wonder if she's wanting to go to the house and get her stuff and all."

"You guys haven't done that yet?" Starla kept her back turned but wanted their conversation to continue.

"Nah," Zac shook his head and tapped on the phone screen to get back to his home page. "Neither of us really needs the stuff that's at the other houses. I guess…I mean…I guess we do need to get our stuff back. But, should…" he hesitated trying to get his thoughts together. "Mom, should I maybe tell her to go on over there and get her stuff while I'm not there? Do you think that would be easier? Or should I get her stuff together and have it ready, or maybe take it over to her or something?"

Zac stared at his mother's back as she moved her head back and forth trying to prepare her answer.

"That's tough, Sweetheart. If you're friends, whatever you do…however you do it…it's a way for you to at least see each other. Do you want that? Do you want to see her and see how she's doing? Or would you rather she go to your place and get her stuff together and leave without any contact at all?"

Starla's words made the young man think. _Of course I want to see her again. I want to see her and hold her and be with her and just go back to the way things were. But we can't do that. I can't do that._

His mother's voice broke through his thoughts. "Zac? What are you thinking? Have you gathered up any of her stuff? If she doesn't come to get it, or doesn't go over there while you're not home… Then you'll have to get things together for her. Is that what you want?"

Starla looked over her shoulder directly at the nearly lost face of her son.

"I dunno, Mom. I really…I just don't know."

"Has she asked you to come get your stuff? You've got things at her house too, don't you?" Starla wondered.

Zac shook and then nodded his head to answer Starla's questions. "I think that's what's making this hard. If she would tell me to come get my stuff…or tell me that she wants my stuff out of the way even…then I would know that she really wants me out of her life. But, it's like, as long as my stuff is there – even if I don't need it, you know? – As long as it's at her house…I still feel like maybe there's this chance. As slim as it might be, I just feel like there's still a chance…you know, for…for us. But if we clear things out, then that's it, you know, it's done and over. It just seems so…so _final_."

"And that's _not_ what you want?" Starla asked, fully knowing his answer before posing the question.

Zac looked her in the eyes and gave a sad shrug of his shoulders. "I don't know, Mom. I mean really, I don't know what I want right now," he admitted softly.

**ZVZVZVZVZV**

"Daddy?" Vanessa's voice was somewhat weakened as her father answered the phone at her parents' house.

"Hi, Baby Girl. What's going on?" Greg tucked the phone between his shoulder and ear as he continued trying to put dishes away from the dishwasher.

"I just needed to talk to somebody." The childish voice of his oldest daughter wasn't foreign to the protective father but he was clueless why that tone would be coming from her now.

"Where are you, V? I thought Mom said you were running around with that _John_ fellow, or someone." Greg never intentionally mixed up the names of Vanessa's friends, especially the men in her life, but he didn't want her to think he was overly interested in that part.

"I…we did, go out, I mean. And it was fun. We came back here and had lunch…then he, _Josh_, told me something that kinda surprised me." Her voice grew a little stronger and then softened again.

"Really?" Greg wondered seriously. "What was that? Did he ask you to be in another movie with him?" He continued to listen closely.

"No," Vanessa hesitantly continued. "He said that Zac is getting ready to sell his house." Her voice sounded shaky and confused.

"What's that?" Greg was sure he hadn't heard his daughter correctly. "Zac, who? What house are you talking about?"

Vanessa gave out a slightly frustrated grunt. "Daddy," her voice shook a little more. "Zac. My Za…just…Zac. Josh showed me a list from a real estate agent. It's Zac's address…he's thinking about selling it."

Greg could tell from the ups and downs of Vanessa's voice that she was practically in tears. The past weeks had been full of those ups and downs when it came to the man that Vanessa had mentioned. Greg sighed silently and put down the plate he had pulled from the washer. He grasped the phone with his hand and went to sit at the dining room table.

"Vanessa, Honey, why is that bothering you? It's _his_ house." Greg knew he was likely to botch this conversation but without Vanessa's mother at home it was up to him to try and console her.

"I don't know, Dad, I'm trying not to be upset about it, but I just feel lost." Vanessa kept her tears at bay but the sadness was obvious to her father.

Greg took a quick breath. "I'm sorry, Baby Girl. Do you want to come over here? Or do you want me to come over there?"

Vanessa shook her head. "You know what I really want? I want to go…over…there," she admitted.

Greg's eyebrows moved toward the middle of his face. "To his house? Vanessa, why… Do you still have things over there that you need to get?" The man in him was trying to understand.

His daughter bit her lip without a hint of how she could make her father know the feelings that were coursing through her. "Daddy, it's not about my…_stuff_. It's…I can't even explain it." Vanessa stopped as she felt the tears begin to run down her cheeks.

"You still love him and the thought of him moving away from you just hurts," Greg supplied, putting the words out there that he felt she was unwilling to say.

The line was silent for several moments as both of them contemplated the meaning of Greg's statement. Finally Vanessa answered with a sniffle and one word.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure this breakup is what you want?" Greg spoke as gently as he could to try and make her think.

Her little-girl voice surfaced again. "It's what's best for both of us right now."

"Even if it's causing you this much pain?"

"We can't be together and not be able to spend time together. Dad, it's time for us to figure out who we are and what we want. It's just time for us to go different directions…" Vanessa squeaked out.

The father shook his head. _Daughters… I have two daughters. I need to ask Gina to give me a handbook. What happened to falling in love and staying in love?_ Greg caught himself pressing his lips together in frustration and yet feeling sorry for the young woman on the other end of the phone line.

"Selling his house is probably his way of going a different direction. If that's what the two of you really want…Baby V, you guys live ten minutes away from each other. Even in LA, that's probably too close." Greg took a second to think about this chat. He was beginning to realize that there was no good way for this to end. Still he pressed on.

"Is Zac at home?" Greg rolled his eyes at his sudden thought of taking his daughter to her ex-boyfriend's home. He shook his head trying to figure out something that might take her mind off the current situation.

"No," Vanessa answered back trying to get her thoughts together and calm herself. "I just texted him and he's with Starla and David in San Luis."

"Well, now I'm confused again. If he's not even home then why are you thinking of going to his house?" Greg felt his eyes rolling in the sockets again.

"Daddy…" Vanessa begged for his understanding with the one word.

"Vanessa Anne…" he shot back and then sighed loudly. "I can't believe I'm going to say this."

"What?" Vanessa asked with a touch of curiosity taking affect.

"Let me put the dishes away. I'll be at your house in fifteen minutes and we're going for ice cream," Greg waited to see if he could hear her reaction.

"What?" This time a hint of a smile came through the phone line.

"I'll be at your house in fifteen minutes and we're going for ice cream. If you make me say it again you get nothing," Greg tried to be stern.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?" The gruffness of his tone was outshined by the generosity and love in his heart.

"I love you. Can I have rocky road?" The image of an 8 year old Vanessa was quite clear in Greg's mind at the moment. And at that very moment, he would have given her any flavor she requested, even if its name was Zac.

**WhatWeWant-Chapter2-DifferentDirections**


	3. To Clear The Air

**In Chapter 2 of What We Want:**_  
><em>

_"What do you want to ask me, Mom. You gave me condoms for Christmas for God's sake. Why all of a sudden would you be scared?"_

_"Because SHE has hurt you. But you still love her, and I'm afraid I'll say something that will hurt you and I don't want to do that."_

_Zac let Starla hold him. He heard her sniffle and felt his own tears form. But for a few minutes he just stayed in his mother's arms - one place he finally found a bit of comfort, and could be a child again._

_Finally he pulled back and took a deep breath. "I'm gonna sell my house. ... If Vanessa would tell me to come get my stuff…or tell me that she wants my stuff out of the way even…then I would know that she really wants me out of her life. But, it's like, as long as my stuff is there – I still feel like maybe there's this chance…for us. But if we clear things out, then that's it, you know, it's done and over. It just seems so…so _final_."_

_"And that's not what you want?" Starla asked._

_Zac gave a sad shrug of his shoulders, "I don't know, Mom. I mean really, I don't know what I want right now." _

_"Josh said that Zac is going to sell his house." Vanessa's voice sounded shaky and confused to her father._

_"What's that?" Greg was sure he hadn't heard his daughter correctly. "Zac, who? What house are you talking about?"_

_Vanessa gave out a slightly frustrated grunt. "Daddy," her voice shook a little more. "Zac. My Za…just…Zac."_

_"Are you sure this breakup is what you want?" Greg spoke as gently as he could to try and make her think._

_Her little-girl voice surfaced again. "It's what's best for both of us right now."_

_"Even if it's causing you this much pain?"_

_"We can't be together and not be able to spend time together. Dad, it's time for us to figure out who we are and what we want. It's just time for us to go different directions…"  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>What We Want - Chapter 3 - To Clear The Air<strong>

Zac plugged his iPhone into the dock and turned the music on to lull the dull ache in his head. Dinner with his mom and dad had been nice. It was really the first meal he had shared with them following the Oregon outing. And it had been a nice chance for him to open up a little more about his thoughts on selling his L.A. home.

Still he knew they were holding back. It was obvious that Starla was hurt and even a little angry. Zac figured the time and love that she had invested in his relationship was probably to blame for that. And, much like his feelings, it was just going to take time to heal.

His father seemed to have moved beyond the issue of a broken relationship and was back in business mode. David's portion of the conversation pointed toward the intricacies that Zac needed to consider when putting his house on the market. First and foremost, how did he expect to get a decent price on the place in the current market - especially after some of the issues he had had with the house and the property. The flooding pool especially hung strong in his father's mind.

But all in all, the dinner discussion had been nice. Zac sat down on the bed and relaxed against the headboard, grabbing a pillow to put behind his head while the thoughts ran through.

His parents had been treating him as an adult for several years now. Tonight, however, it was more than noticeable. It was almost a business dinner he realized. Zac knew they were specifically trying to stay away from the topic of his love-life. They knew. _They knew_ he somehow needed to move on with his life. With or without Vanessa it was time for him to grow up and be the man that he was meant to be.

Zac thought again about the unexpected text from Vanessa in the afternoon. Did she really just want to go to his house? Maybe she was ready to come get her stuff. Maybe she thought getting her stuff while he wasn't home would be easiest because they wouldn't have to see each other.

That thought made his stomach roll. The idea of returning home and finding an empty space in the closet, shoe boxes gone, and a missing jewelry box on the bedside table came to mind quickly. He frowned. No…that's not how he wanted it to happen. He at least hoped to know about it before she did that.

A warm, nervous wave ran through his body. The thoughts of those empty spaces filled his mind and made him feel impulsive. And the impulse sent him back to the dresser to retrieve his phone.

He turned off the music, moved to his bed and impatiently sat down on the edge of it as he hit the speed dial without even a second thought about what he was going to say…when _she_ answered.

"_Hello?"_ Her voice sounded nervous as it hit his ears for the first time in days.

Zac paused for a few seconds, not really knowing why he was calling. "So, you texted earlier. Um, what's been goin' on down there?"

Vanessa listened to his voice hearing a similar case of nerves sounding from three hours away. _"Nothing much really. Meetings, photo shoots…you know how it goes."_

"Oh, yeah." He waited a few more seconds trying to process the thoughts in his mind. "Have you…been…able to catch up…I mean, like, out with friends and stuff?"

Zac realized he sounded like a young teenager again just trying to make conversation.

Vanessa wondered if he was fishing for information about the time she was spending with Josh. Or, was he just trying to hold a friendly conversation? _"Well, yeah, I went with Britt and Laura a couple of times. Mostly just with Mom and Stella though. I've missed being with them."_

Zac nodded as though she could see him. "I know what you mean. It was nice just being with Mom and Dad and Dylan for a while. It's so quiet up here. I'd forgotten what it was like…to be home-home."

"_Yeah, well, you know how it is down here. Crazy just about everywhere you turn. Doesn't seem to matter who I'm with, there's always a camera around somewhere."_ Vanessa had been right there in the middle of the madness for several years longer than Zac. He, on the other hand, had always been able to find a way out of the craziness, a peaceful space for a quiet retreat.

"_Have you been camping?"_ Vanessa asked, remembering one of his favorite ways to get away from everything.

"Uh, yeah, in Oregon… Me, Dad, & Dyl went out for a couple of nights. And…when we got back I went out one night…" Zac informed her and let his thoughts drift back to the night he had spent alone in the wilderness.

"_You didn't go by yourself did you?"_ Vanessa's concern was more than evident.

"Yeah, actually I did," Zac defended himself. "It's all fine. I just needed some time."

"_But Zac you know how dangerous -"_ her words were the beginning of a lecture that they both knew was worthless.

"Vanessa…" he chose to use her full name to gain her attention, "It. Is. Fine." He punctuated each word. "I needed some time by myself and I got it. I just needed to think about some stuff that's all."

"_Stuff…like…your house?"_ She asked ever so quietly while cringing at his tone and use of anything other than _his_ pet name for her.

"What about my house?" Zac returned with an eerie feeling.

"_I…I heard you were thinking about selling it."_ Vanessa figured she wanted to hear it from him, and this might just be her best chance.

"Where'd you hear that?" Zac quickly shot back with a slight edge.

"_I…" _Vanessa took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she pressed her lips together. _"Josh is apparently looking at houses around here…"_

"Ah…Josh," Zac interjected with slight bitterness in his voice. He realized there was no way to hide it.

"_Zac, please don't. He's just a friend,"_ Vanessa defended.

"Well _my_ house isn't on the market…yet," Zac continued. "What would make him think that it is?"

"_The real estate agent…" _ Vanessa answered in a slight rush. _"I guess if you've even hinted about selling it. You know, any agent is gonna jump at the chance to sell your house."_

Zac was quiet for a moment. No one was supposed to know about his intentions right now. He was still trying to get his own head in order about it. Now, all of a sudden Vanessa was aware of it. He hadn't wanted her feelings to play into his decision at all and yet here she was with the opportunity to add her two cents in…whether he wanted the opinion or not.

"_Zac? Is it true?"_ He heard her voice ask the question and leaned his elbows down on his knees, placing one hand against his forehead.

It took him a few moments before he could get the answer to come from his voice box. "That I'm _thinking_ about it? Yeah, that's true."

He heard Vanessa suck in a breath but didn't hear the rush of air come back out of her mouth or nose. He knew she was holding it in to cover emotions that had just sent her reeling. _"Oh,"_ he heard her finally whisper.

Zac closed his own eyes and grabbed the next few seconds to try and ignore the tears that he imagined were in her eyes for whatever reason. "So, listen, you sounded like you wanted, or needed to go over to the house when you texted earlier. Do you…need something from over there? Cause, you know, you can go get whatever you need, I don't care, really."

He raised his head back up and looked toward the mirror in his room. His phrase was true. It sounded fair enough. If there was something she needed to get, she could do that. That was different from her just wanting to go clear out _all_ of her belongings, right?

The slight sniffle from Vanessa's nose gave away what Zac had hoped to ignore and what she had hoped to hide. Still she tried to continue without drawing notice to her obvious sadness.

"_Oh, um, no, I…I don't need anything from over there. Just, if you needed me to check on things…or, I mean…" _ she pressed her lips together again to hold back the silent cry that threatened to escape with her next thought. _"If you WANT me to go…um…to go get my…things…"_ Her heart dropped as she said the words.

"Van…" Zac attempted to draw her attention back to him by softening his tone. The loving consoler won out as he felt that warm, nervous rush again. "Hey, Nessa, no… that's not what I'm getting at. I just know you've got some dresses and shoes… and if you need them for your promo tour or something… No, I don't _want_ you to go get your stuff. That's not what I'm saying."

And then another thought entered his mind. "Do…do you want me to get my stuff? With…well, if you're with _Josh_…I, uh, I'll be back in town in a couple of days. I could come clear things out…"

"_NO!"_ Vanessa's choking voice was adamant with her answer. _"No…there's no reason to rush anything like that. He has nothing to do with this. I'm not WITH Josh. We are friends."_ She emphasized her point – or tried to – again.

Both breathed slight sighs of relief before Vanessa backtracked to their previous topic.

"_Zac, why?"_

"Huh?" Far too many things were filling his brain to understand what she was asking.

"_Your house… Why are you thinking about selling it?"_ It was the question Zac could answer truthfully and add to her hurt. Or, he could bypass giving her an answer because she already knew why. The reason was obvious, and they both knew it. As they both sat in silence, he realized this wasn't the time, and the phone wasn't the way he wanted to have this conversation.

"Van, come on now. You know why. But don't worry about that, okay? Don't worry about why I'm selling the house or what I'm doing," he instructed as gently as he could.  
>"You have enough other stuff to think about and worry about and work that needs to be done right now. You don't need to worry about me, right? That's why we're doing our own things, isn't it?" he offered.<p>

"_I never said it meant I would stop worrying about you,"_ she admitted quietly.

"Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't've called. I still worry about you, too. You need to know that. But I just really called to tell you to go to the house if you want to. I don't care, seriously."

"_No, Zac, wait, please?" _It was Vanessa's turn to get his attention._ "I want… When you get back to town…could we maybe get together and talk? Even if it's just for a few minutes, please? I, I'd like to see you."_

"I don't know. I…that's…I just don't know if that's a good idea at this point." He sat on the bed leaning his head backwards to try and release the tension in his neck muscles.

"_This…all…it just hurts, Zac," _she hesitated_. "I miss you. I'm glad you called. I just would like to see you when you get back, if we can."_

"I'll think about it, ok? Maybe, you know, like we talked about…when the promo tour settles down for you. Maybe we can get together then." Zac made the offer knowing it wasn't the answer she was looking for.

"_Yeah." _He could tell she was obviously just answering to placate him. _"If that's what you want. Maybe we'll run into each other before I head out of the country."_

"Sure. We'll see." He stopped knowing one of them was about to lose control… and that he had pushed Vanessa to her edge and needed to just back off before she went over on his account.

"So I'll talk to you when I get back to LA, ok?" He tried to pick her spirits up before ending the call completely.

"_Yeah, sure, whatever," _Vanessa mumbled. _"Tell your mom and dad that I said 'hi', ok?"_ she requested.

"I'd be happy to. Same here, ok?" Zac knew his pleasantries probably were the last ones that Greg and Gina wanted to hear, but at least he would try.

"_Yeah…so…ok…"_ Vanessa let out a sad chuckle. _"Love you, Zac," _she added quickly.

"I love you, too, Vanessa. I love you, too."

Both knew the words they ended with were the most heartfelt of the entire conversation. Unfortunately for each of them, the words weren't enough to make the hurt go away.

**ZVZVZVZVZV**

Greg was less than surprised the following morning when their oldest daughter showed up at their home for breakfast. Gina looked at Vanessa with worry, especially when Vanessa's first question after sitting down with them in the kitchen was _'Mom, can you go to London with me for the promo tour?'_

Gina looked between her daughter and her husband who simply lifted his cup of coffee and sipped it quietly while watching two of the three women that he loved with all his heart.

"Well, I'd be honored to, Baby…but why on earth…why me?" Gina asked, shaking her head.

Vanessa looked back at her father knowing that he had only told her mother a portion of their conversation from the night before. "I just… I need some Mom time," Vanessa answered with a serious tone.

Gina set aside her excitement and looked at her daughter and then her husband. "What's going on?" she pushed her plate away from her and waited for one of them to answer.

Vanessa got up from her seat and stepped behind her mother before wrapping her arms around Gina's neck and giving a gentle squeeze. "Zac called last night."

That information was something new in the equation that Greg had formed in his mind. His brain had been churning since Vanessa's phone call and their trip for ice cream. It had kept him tossing and turning for most of the night.

"Is he back in town yet?" Greg asked and again raised his cup to his lips to try and mask whatever look was forming on his face.

"No," Vanessa answered and tightened her hold on her mother slightly. She knew Greg hadn't shared the pending 'For Sale' sign with Gina, or the tearful chat that the two of them had shared. "He said he would be back in town in a couple of days."

Gina watched Greg carefully but raised one hand to place over top of Vanessa's that rested on her chest. "What does that have to do with me going to London with you?" Vanessa's mother wondered.

"I'm kinda having a hard time working through this _breakup_," Vanessa conceded. "And Zac admitted last night that he's keeping his distance. We said we wanted to be friends but it's like he doesn't even want to see me."

Gina felt the gentle squeeze become more firm when Vanessa laid her forehead down against the top of her head and pulled in a long breath.

"Do I need to worry about getting my plane tickets or can you take care of that?" Gina asked as Greg nodded gently in agreement.

"I've asked Evan to make sure we're seated next to each other and he's adjusting the hotel room," Vanessa answered and lifted her head.

Gina thought for another moment. She patted Vanessa's hands to ease her way out of her daughter's grasp. "Stella is scheduled to take a trip with her friends the week after you – we – leave for London. I need to make a couple of phone calls to make sure she's all squared away, ok?"

She stood and faced her older daughter with hands on Vanessa's shoulders. Vanessa looked down toward the floor and nodded. "Thank you, Mama," she said simply and then took her seat again as Gina headed toward her bedroom.

Greg waited another moment before deciding to ask more questions. "So he called you?"

Vanessa nodded as she lifted barely a nibble of the scrambled eggs toward her mouth.

"Just out of the blue he decided to call?" he pressed farther.

Vanessa shrugged her shoulders. She swallowed the tiny bite down her dry throat before talking to her father. "He was wondering if I _needed_ to get anything from his house. He said he was thinking about the text I had sent and thought maybe I needed something for the promo tour…something of mine that's still at his place."

Greg nodded. "And? What did you tell him?"

"I told him I would go get my stuff if he wanted me to. But he said that's not what he meant. He said I could go over there if I _want_ to…or _need_ to." Vanessa thought back to the strained phone conversation.

"And?" Greg inquired again.

"And?" Vanessa repeated her father. "And, I asked him about selling the house. And he said he is _thinking_ about it."

"So, what does that mean?" Greg knew he was pushing, but this was a step farther than the speculating they were doing last night.

"I still don't know." Vanessa pushed her plate away and leaned back against her chair with hands surrendering in the air. "I asked him if we could just get together for a little bit before I head out of the country and he said it wasn't a good idea." She breathed out heavily and crossed her arms over her chest. "He doesn't want to see me, Dad. He just…he doesn't even want to see me. So I'd say you're right. Having the house here in L.A. is just too close…especially if I can still get into it."

"I think you're both still really hurting and confused, Sweetheart." Greg reached across the table and waited for Vanessa to place one of her hands in his. "This is rough, on both of you. You can't just tell a man who loves you that you want to just be friends for a while and expect things to be that simple. Not when you've been…well, not when you've practically had a married relationship for five years." Greg did his best to keep a calm, soft tone as he spoke to his daughter.

"Honestly, Honey, thank God the two of you were smart enough to buy separate homes. Ok, this is still hard, I know, but at least you aren't looking at one of you having to completely move out."

The tears that reappeared in Vanessa's eyes were a continuation from last night. Greg was well aware of that since they had done everything possible to avoid this conversation while enjoying their walk and ice cream cones.

"Vanessa, My Baby V, go to London. Take your mom and the two of you join the other girls and just make the best of this trip. Enjoy your time with your mom. But even more than that, tell her what is going on. Cry on her shoulder or whatever you need to do, but talk to her. You need that and she _deserves_ that. She's worried about you. You know that. You're absolutely right. You both need some mom time." Greg squeezed her hand gently.

"But Dad?" One other thought was on her heart at the moment, and it would require her father's help.

"What, Baby Girl?"

"Zac's gonna come back, and while I'm gone he's gonna decide if he really wants to sell his house or not. That's just my gut feeling. I really don't want to come back home and have everybody asking me about the 'for sale' sign at the end of his driveway." She gathered her strength and took another breath. "Is there any way you can talk to him and find out? I mean…can you let me know if it happens while I'm gone?"

Greg placed a hand over his mouth and thought about her request. "Are you sure you want to know? I'm not sure having me talk to him would be the best idea. But you know I'll help you however I can."

Vanessa raised her chin and took in a long breath then let it out slowly. "I will have Mom there with me. And I can handle this. But yeah, I need to know. That way I can start preparing myself, before I get off the plane and drive past there on the way home."

Gina walked back in for the last part of Vanessa's declaration. She stood at the edge of the kitchen and looked directly at her daughter. "Sounds like I need to be preparing _myself_ for something. Which one of you plans to fill me in _before_ we get _on_ the plane?"

**WhatWeWant-Chapter3-ToClearTheAir**

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Just wanted to invite you to take a peek at my 'entry' in the ZA Angels Write-Off Challenge. I added a chapter to my Parental Consent story for the theme "It Doesn't Rain, It Pours". (I think I got that theme right!) Anywho, the setting is HSM3, the day after Troy and Gabriella share the margarita pizza & chocolate covered strawberries in her room. Hope you'll enjoy!

As always, reviews, pm's, and messages are always welcome and appreciated!  
>KTZLF,<br>ADC


	4. Testing The Waters

**In Chapter 3 of What We Want:**

_"Your house… Why are you thinking about selling it?"_ _ She already knew why. The reason was obvious, and they both knew it. _

_"Van, come on now. You know why. You have enough other stuff to think about and worry about and work that needs to be done right now. You don't need to worry about me, right? That's why we're doing our own things, isn't it?" he offered._

_"I never said it meant I would stop worrying about you,"_ _she admitted quietly. When you get back to town…could we maybe get together and talk? Even if it's just for a few minutes, please? I, I'd like to see you."_

_"I don't know. I just don't know if that's a good idea at this point." He sat on the bed leaning his head backwards to try and release the tension in his neck muscles._

_"Love you, Zac,"_ _she added quickly._

_ "I love you, too, Vanessa. I love you, too."_

_**ZVZVZV**  
><em>

_"Zac called last night. I'm kinda having a hard time working through this breakup," Vanessa conceded. "And Zac admitted last night that he's keeping his distance. We said we wanted to be friends but it's like he doesn't even want to see me." She breathed out heavily and crossed her arms over her chest. "He doesn't want to see me, Dad. He just…he doesn't even want to see me. So I'd say you're right. Having the house here in L.A. is just too close…especially if I can still get into it."_

_"I think you're both still really hurting and confused, Sweetheart." Greg reached across the table and waited for Vanessa to place one of her hands in his. "This is rough, on both of you. You can't just tell a man who loves you that you want to just be friends for a while and expect things to be that simple. Not when you've been…well, not when you've practically had a married relationship for five years." _

_**ZVZVZV**  
><em>

_"Vanessa," Greg instructed, "My Baby V, go to London. Take your mom and the two of you join the other girls and just make the best of this trip. Tell her what is going on. Talk to her. You need that and she deserves that. She's worried about you. You both need some mom time." He squeezed her hand gently._

* * *

><p><strong>What We Want - Chapter 4 - Testing The Waters<strong>

Zac's first night back in his Los Angeles home was nerve-wracking. He had spent two extra nights with his parents prolonging the anxiousness that he knew would hit him. It wasn't until his brother had come home that Zac realized he had to face the reality eventually. He needed to go home; he needed to make decisions; and for the first time in five years he had to make those decisions, as an adult, alone.

Being alone was what hit him first along the drive home. He was used to placing a phone call 30 minutes outside of the mansions in the hills to let someone know he was almost home. On this trip, however, he let the phone lay in the seat next to him and glanced at it more than a dozen times over that last 30 minutes.

She had asked to see him when he got home. He had put off coming home knowing that she would be leaving for London in just another day or so. And he knew that fact alone would keep her busy. Still he debated calling her.

His hand was even on the phone once, with his thumb poised over the 'call' button. That was when he took a deep breath and hit 'clear' instead, and then put the phone back down in the passenger seat. _As soon as we hang up she would be on her way to the house. She would be on the couch in the living room waiting for me…I can't handle that right now. She can't handle that right now. She doesn't have time to handle that right now._

He placed his head against the seat and finished the drive with muscles more tense and a sick feeling in his stomach as he punched the code to open the gate and drove up the sloped driveway.

And when he walked in the door, it hit him all over again. The wave of emptiness was like the tide ebbing and flowing. Just when he thought the edge was going to stay far away from him it would come back in full force and practically knock him down.

There they were, two glasses sitting in the dish drainer by the sink. Two glasses Zac knew he hadn't put away before he left. Two glasses that he and Vanessa had used to share a toast to her upcoming movies. They had sat there for nearly two months and would likely sit there even longer until he was ready to let that memory go.

He dropped his bags in the floor of the dining room and shook his head, closing his eyes and leaning his head back to try and ease the knots in his muscles. _God why is this so hard?_ He eeked out through gritted teeth.

This was why he needed to get rid of the house. Instead of the warm, comfortable feeling that was once inside these walls, it had become one of a quiet, empty space. He knew it wouldn't matter where he attempted to go, the warmth wouldn't be there, even if it was a place he chose to call home. But, at least _he_ wouldn't be here…the home he had attempted to share with her.

Zac decided on two things pretty quickly as he picked up his bags and headed toward the stairs. First, the sooner he could get back to 'his stuff' the sooner, perhaps, he could get back to himself. And second, the guest bedroom would become his haven for the time being. No need to torture himself by sleeping in a big empty bed that they had shared while feeling the eyes from various pictures of her staring back at him. She would always be present in his bed.

He sighed as he drug his suitcase and backpack up the steps. _No, the love won't go away. Yes, I still love her. But if I can minimize the pain in order to try and make some decisions then that should benefit me. Right?_

**ZVZVZVZVZV**

Vanessa watched her phone carefully for a full hour. It had been three days since she talked to Zac. Three days since he had said he would be home in a couple of days. She had waited as long as she possibly could to hear from him. That's why she had called Dylan.

In her mind, calling Zac's brother wouldn't bother the boys' parents, and she wouldn't be bothering Zac himself. She knew Dylan was at school, but she also knew he might just have a little pity on her … maybe a little … and would find out if Zac was still home in San Luis, or back in LA.

"_Hi?" Dylan's voice had answered curiously._

"_Hey, Dyl, yeah, it's me, Vanessa. Look, I- I'm sorry to bug you. I know you're at school and all. I just need to find out if Zac is still with your mom and dad or if he's come back to LA yet?"_

_Dylan had held the phone for a moment before answering. "I'm actually…I don't have classes today, Vanessa. I'm pulling up at home right now. Looks like Z's car is in the driveway."_

"_Oh." Her heart dropped. First she heard the disappointment in Dylan's voice. That was on top of the fact that he had no witty line, no funny name to call her, nothing to try and agitate her at all. "Well, like I said, I'm sorry to bug you. That's really all I wanted." _

"_Why are you calling me?" Dylan asked before she could hang up._

"_I…just…I didn't think Zac would answer," Vanessa breathed quietly into the phone._

"_You could text him," Dylan suggested._

"_Dylan? I guess I just needed to test the waters. I want to see Zac when he comes back, but I don't think he wants to see me. I guess I just wanted to see if … ya know what? Forget it. I don't know why I called ok? I just wanted to see if Zac was still up there or not," Vanessa huffed with exasperation. _

"_I can tell him you called," Dylan offered._

"_No. Don't do that. Just forget I called, ok?" Vanessa suggested._

_She had received a text from Dylan later in the afternoon simply saying that Zac had left to head back home._

Now, four hours later, she knew he should be home and he should have called to let her know he was a half hour away. No, scratch that. He _used_ to call to let her know.

"Vanessa, we need to head out if we're going to make your nail appointment," Gina called from the living room. Vanessa's mother was more than aware of the emotions going through her daughter's heart. But she was also aware that it was a choice Vanessa had made. And if Zac was trying to abide by the action Vanessa had taken, then Vanessa needed to as well.

Vanessa closed her eyes and pressed her lips together. "Coming, Mom."

Gina looked at her sad eyes and tired face. She reached out and pulled Vanessa into a hug, letting the 22 year old rest her forehead against Gina's neck and shoulder.

"I don't want to lose him, Mama. He's been my best friend. I can't lose him." She cried softly against Gina's skin.

Gina swallowed smoothly and pushed her daughter away from her. Gripping Vanessa's shoulders she held her until Vanessa looked into her mother's face. Gina wiped the softness from her face and didn't even attempt to present a smile before she began speaking. "The two of you made this decision. You decided it was time to try things on your own. Zac is apparently taking steps to do that. Honestly, I think he's doing the right thing."

"Mama!" Vanessa caught herself feeling almost angry with her mother.

"_You_ want to grow up and figure out what _you_ want for _your_ life. That's what you told Zac, wasn't it?" Gina questioned with hands still holding Vanessa's upper arms.

"Yes, but - "

"No 'buts', Vanessa. Not this time. You want to grow up and figure things out on your own? Then you may just have to lose your best friend in order to do that. Zac's not going to give you a huge sendoff. He's not going to call you every day while you're gone. He's not going to send you flowers and gifts to tell you that he misses you or that he's wishing you luck. Not this time." Gina looked at her daughter seriously.

The tears in Vanessa's eyes were genuine. Gina knew her words hurt, but they were what Vanessa needed to hear.

"Honey, I don't want to give you false hope. I also don't want to break your heart. It's already broken…as is Zac's. You've both made this decision. You've both chosen to move ahead and go out with other people." Gina paused as Vanessa looked at her with wide, hurt eyes. "I know you aren't serious about Josh. I know Zac isn't serious about the young women that he's been out with. But _you are both_ testing the waters."

Gina released her hold on Vanessa who just continued to stare at her mother. So Gina took a deep breath and continued.

"I haven't been through this. I can't talk to you from experience. When I met your father and we fell in love, that was it, he was it for me. I'm trying to understand that things are different for you. But you need to know that _if_, in fact, Zac _is_ the man that you are meant to be with, you are now going to have to work harder to make that happen. You're going in different directions now, Baby Girl, and you are both hurting. And, you're not going to console each other – because you're both so stubborn," Gina added.

Again she took a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is this: You'll have to let him go completely in order to find the right man who's out there for you…_or_ in order to get _him_ back someday."

Vanessa listened to her mother's words intently. She thought about them carefully, wiped the tears from her eyes and then nodded her head.

As the two of them headed toward the garage Vanessa looked at her phone again. She opened a blank text page and stared at the screen for just a second. _"I'm heading to London day after tomorrow. It won't be the same without you. Good luck with the house."_

With a lot more in her heart, yet hearing Gina's words in her mind, she left the message at that. It was moving forward. She wasn't ready to let go completely, just yet, but the message was a step in loosening her hold.

**ZVZVZVZVZV**

Greg Hudgens watched the limousine pull away from the curb at Vanessa's house and shook his head. He had helped Charles load practically a dozen suitcases into the trunk of the extended vehicle. Vanessa's entourage was partly to blame for the copious luggage. The other part was the fact that his daughter and his wife had decided to jet over to Paris, France, after the movie premiere.

He would see them again in a few weeks. He sucked in a long breath and climbed into his own car. Greg thought about Vanessa's demeanor the past two days compared to her tear-filled phone conversation, father and daughter ice cream run, and the strained breakfast chat.

After knowing that Zac was back home, and assured that Gina was joining her for this trip, Vanessa had picked her chin up and found the smile that adorned her face nearly 98 percent of the time. He wasn't sure what Vanessa's mother had told her. He knew there had not been a conversation about Zac selling his house. Gina would've mentioned that.

Perhaps it was just her excitement of the upcoming trip, seeing her co-stars in a different setting, and maybe a little of it was the fact that she had made plans with another young man to occupy her time. Greg wasn't thrilled about that idea, but from past experience he had learned to at least _attempt_ to trust Vanessa's judgment.

With that thought Greg wondered about the request Vanessa had made of him. Should he try to talk to Zac while she was away? If he was, really, going to move somewhere else, Vanessa needed to hear that news from Zac, himself. Perhaps that was how Greg could approach the conversation.

The two men had shared friendly talks, laughs and a couple of father-son chats over the half decade relationship. Greg knew, even in this situation, Zac would still want what was best for Vanessa. So he turned on the ignition of his car and backed up onto the steep driveway in front of Vanessa's garage.

He pointed the car toward Mulholland, deciding to take the long way around to the young man's house. Greg gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. If Zac was home, he would take the opportunity to talk to him face to face. If not, he would at least make sure the dreaded real-estate sign wasn't already beside the drive.

**ZVZVZVZVZV**

Vanessa's father ran a hand over his balding head as he rolled down his car window and hit the call button on the security box at the end of Zac's drive. There was no hint that the property was for sale, at least not from this view.

Greg waited a couple of minutes and then quickly pressed the button again. After another minute the familiar voice sounded curiously through the speaker. _"Can I help you?"_

Greg cleared his throat and could nearly feel Zac's entire body go rigid inside the multi-million dollar home at the top of that hill. "Zac? It's Greg Hudgens… Can I possibly come up so we can talk a bit?"

The pregnant pause made Greg wonder if there was a human reason that Zac might not want him to be aware of. He pushed the 'call' button on the box and quickly spoke. "Listen, if you don't want me to come in…"

Greg noted that the gate at the top of the drive began to open before he could finish the sentence. And, he also was aware that Zac didn't say another word.

Inside the house, Zac looked at what he was wearing. He walked toward the front door and looked into the mirror that hung near the entrance – the same mirror that Vanessa had requested in that location to check her appearance before heading out into the public. His t-shirt and shorts were presentable; nothing vulgar or repulsive on his clothing. Bare feet – it was his house, that shouldn't matter – and his unshaven face was his own prerogative. To say he hadn't expected a visit from Vanessa's father was an understatement. Still, he considered, he was actually pretty calm at this moment. Of course, Greg hadn't walked in the door…yet.

****WhatWeWant-Chapter4-TestingTheWaters****

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Just wanted to invite you to take a peek at my 'entry' in the ZA Angels Write-Off Challenge. Chapter 20 of **Parental Consent** is for theme 1 ="It Doesn't Rain, It Pours". (I think I got that theme right!) Anywho, the setting is HSM3, the day after Troy and Gabriella share the margarita pizza & chocolate covered strawberries in her room. Hope you'll enjoy!

As always, reviews, pm's, and messages are always welcome and appreciated!  
>KTZLF! -adc<p> 


	5. Choices

**In Chapter 4 of What We Want:**

_Greg Hudgens watched the limousine pull away from the curb at Vanessa's house and shook his head. He would see them again in a few weeks. He sucked in a long breath and climbed into his own car thinking about Vanessa's demeanor the past two days compared to her tear-filled phone conversation, father and daughter ice cream run, and the strained breakfast chat._

_Vanessa's father ran a hand over his balding head as he rolled down his car window and hit the call button on the security box at the end of Zac's drive. There was no hint that the property was for sale, at least not from this view. After another minute the familiar voice sounded curiously through the speaker. "Can I help you?"_

_Greg cleared his throat and could nearly feel Zac's entire body go rigid inside the multi-million dollar home at the top of that hill. "Zac? It's Greg Hudgens… Can I possibly come up so we can talk a bit?" Greg noted that the gate at the top of the drive began to open before he could offer a better explanation. And, he also was aware that Zac didn't say another word._

_Inside the house, Zac looked at what he was wearing. His t-shirt and shorts were presentable; nothing vulgar or repulsive on his clothing. Bare feet – it was his house, that shouldn't matter – and his unshaven face was his own prerogative. To say he hadn't expected a visit from Vanessa's father was an understatement. Still, he considered, he was actually pretty calm at this moment. Of course, Greg hadn't walked in the door…yet._

* * *

><p><strong><strong>What We Want - Chapter 5 - Choices<strong>  
><strong>

Zac opened the front door and watched as Greg's car parked and the weathered, somewhat portly man stepped out of the car. He opened the door a bit wider and fashioned a smile on his face, nervously tugging on his t-shirt and crossing his arms over his chest as Greg approached.

"Hi," Greg said, doing his best to keep his voice amicable. He was unsure how to even begin this conversation, or really what the conversation was going to be about.

"Hi," Zac answered back and stepped out of the way to let Greg inside the house. Zac stretched his hand forward tentatively, trying to offer respect to Vanessa's father, even through the confusion of their current situation.

"How was San Luis?" Greg enquired as the men shook hands, with an interest in Zac's recent trip home.

"It's good. Was nice to be away from everything for a little while," Zac answered with a friendly tone.

Greg watched as Zac lifted his hand and began rubbing the back of his neck. "How are your mom and dad doing?" the older man continued.

"Pretty good. Mom was … a little on the … I dunno, I think she wanted to interrogate me." Zac pointed his eyes toward the floor as he recalled the time spent with his family.

Greg had to chuckle. "Hmmm, much the same as Gina and I want to interrogate you…and Vanessa," he paused before taking a deep breath. "You realize we don't understand. We're confused and we know both of you are hurting and we have no clue how to help you."

Zac looked at Vanessa's father and nodded his head. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, too."

The two stood and looked at each other for another minute.

"Greg, no offense," Zac sucked in a deep breath and puffed out his cheeks as he let it blow out through his lips, "but why are you here?" he finally asked.

Mr. Hudgens let a deep breath escape from his nose. "I just put Vanessa and Gina into a limo on their way to the airport. They're heading to London for the movie premiere and then over to Paris for some R 'n' R. Vanessa asked me to come by…and see if you really are…moving."

The two finally stepped farther into the house and Zac motioned to Greg to have a seat on the couch. When he found a comfortable spot Zac took his own deep breath. "Diet Coke?"

Greg nodded at the offer and took a chance to look around at the home as Zac went to the kitchen to bring him a drink. There were pictures of Vanessa and Zac in a couple of locations in the room. There were also a few items that Greg knew his daughter had added to this house. A blanket on the back of the couch had lived in Vanessa's childhood bedroom for years. He had actually wondered where the item of comfort had disappeared to. Now he knew.

Zac returned and handed Greg the chilled can. Greg pointed at the blanket. "That looks awfully familiar."

Zac pressed his lips together in a forced smile. "It was at Nessa's house. When she got sick a couple of years ago she asked me to bring it over here. She woke up sick here and didn't even want to get up and go back to her place."

Greg took a drink from the can in his hand. "She's pitiful when she's sick; always has been, even as a little girl. She always wanted that blanket to hold onto. Good Lord, that thing's probably fifteen years old now isn't it?" He let his hand slide over to the patchwork material. "Somebody in Gina's family made it for Vanessa and sent it to her from the Philippines," he shared thoughtfully.

Zac nodded and ran a hand over his face. "A great aunt, maybe. I think that's what she mentioned."

They sat in silence for another moment both nervously looking around the room. "I…" Greg started and then took a deep breath. "You know I'm not here for my own best interest."

Zac forced a slight smile, "I kinda guessed. Is this where you get to interrogate me and lecture me about never being the right one for your daughter and how I need to stay away from her forever?" His smile died as the prospect of that speech sank into his head.

Greg shook his head. "As many times as that thought has gone through my head, no, that's not why I'm here." He mashed his lips together and moved them around as he thought. "Vanessa tells me that you're thinking about selling your house…and that you're avoiding her somewhat." He paused again before continuing. "Frankly, I think she's scared that you're going to move on, move away, and disappear from her life."

Zac stood up a bit frustrated and shook his head. "Isn't that what she wants? _She_ wanted this change," he looked directly at Greg and shrugged his shoulders. "At this point, isn't that a decision for _me_ to make?"

Greg nodded slowly. "I understand that. I'm not sure she does. Zac, you guys have been in each other's lives now…hell, who am I kidding, you have _been_ each others' lives for five years now. This breakup or separation…" he wiped a hand over his face, "whatever you two have agreed on…I know it's hard on both of you. And we both know Vanessa is trying to cover this up hanging out with other people and putting on a strong front, but it's not _easy_ for her. You have to know that."

"Do you think it is for _me_?" Zac fired back a bit stronger than he intended to. "I want her in my life, Greg. I'm 23 years old and the woman that I thought would be here at every turn for the rest of my life is now on her way to Europe without me – and I can't stand being around her because it hurts too much. We've lost our connection." He walked to the fireplace on the other side of the room and picked up one of the picture frames that still held a shot of him and Vanessa together.

"We had this wavelength…we knew exactly what the other was thinking even if we were a world apart. It only took a look or the sound of her voice on the phone to let me know what she was feeling. Now?" He twisted his lips and shook his head. "Now I've got no clue. Now we're in separate worlds. Trying to say we're still friends is…" He shook his head, put the picture down and then waved his hand in the air to visualize his thought.

Greg sat up straighter on the couch and patted on the blanket before taking another drink of his soda and then holding it in both hands. "Look, let me just get straight to the point. Vanessa is scared that she's going to get back from Europe, drive by here on her way home from the airport and see a 'For Sale' sign at the end of the driveway. She wanted me to come over here and see if you would give me any indication…" he shrugged his shoulders. "She's hurt that you came back to L.A. and didn't even make an attempt to see her before she left." Zac opened his mouth to interject but Greg's raised hand stopped Zac's voice. "Look, I understand what you're telling me. You don't have to go into details with me. I know you're hurt, and I know she is, too. I can imagine the memories that this house holds for you and how hard it must be for you to be here right now. I don't envy what you're going through or the decision you're trying to make. I'm just trying to do what my daughter asked me to do, ok?"

Zac crossed his arms across his chest and took in a couple of deep breaths. "Greg, I don't have an answer for you or for Vanessa. Am I thinking about selling the house? Yeah. I told her that on the phone, directly. I talked to my _former_ real estate agent just to get information and apparently the idea of my privacy got tossed out the window. My trust factor in her has just dropped to below minimum. Mom and Dad and I discussed it. But I haven't made a final decision. You can tell Vanessa…hell, I'll call and tell her…this is a decision that _I've_ gotta make. If it's any consolation – if it really means that much to her - I'll let her know personally, somehow, when _I_ decide, ok?"

Greg nodded and stood up, ready to leave. "I'm sorry. I just want to help my daughter. I love her and I don't like to see her hurting or scared. And I'm not saying…" Greg let a breath out through his nose and tried to relax his stance. "I'm not blaming you for anything. This is just rough, Son. All the way around it's just a trying, unfortunate, unhappy situation."

Zac stepped toward the back of the couch, lifted the blanket off the furniture and folded it into a smaller rectangle. "I'm sorry, too, Greg. I love her, too, and I don't like to see her scared or hurting. I'll be in touch with her, ok? You don't have to be the go between." He held out the bed covering and waited for Greg to take it with a questioning shake of his head.

"Vanessa will need this when she gets back from Europe. It's her post-flight cocoon. I bet she's missed it the past few months. She should've taken it home with her. There's no need for it to stay here. I don't need it. When you talk to her," Zac again put his hand to the back of his neck and sighed, "just tell her I hope she and Gina have a great time. I got her text, and she's right, London's not the same without us being together."

Greg noted the slight glaze in the young man's eyes. He held the blanket tighter and then turned to head out of the house. When he reached the door he turned around and watched Zac fiddling aimlessly with something on the coffee table. "Zac," Vanessa's father called to gain his attention. "What you and Vanessa have…or had…whatever… It's special. The friendship you two have is one that's worth fighting for. Even if you both think marriage is off the table, or continuing the love relationship…even without that, the friendship is worth fighting for. Move, give yourself space, give her space, but don't lose each other completely, ok?"

Zac looked at Greg through confused eyes but nodded with understanding. "Yes, Sir," he answered. "I…I can't make any promises. Right now, it hurts too much to even think about."

**ZVZVZVZVZV**

"So we're here, a different continent - completely away from life as _I_ know it at least - but you're another thousand miles away from all of this aren't you?" Gina watched her oldest daughter go through the somewhat familiar routine of unpacking in the hotel room.

"I'm sure Evan has the agenda. I need to just make sure there's nothing on the table tonight. I would really just prefer to stay in," Vanessa heaved a suitcase onto the bed with a reaction that didn't even hint at acknowledging her mother's question.

"Vanessa," Gina tilted her head in the doorway, "did you hear a word I said?"

"I – I just have a lot on my mind, Mom. I figure things are going to be crazy and jammed, just like they always are on these promotional tours. My head is so wacked out right now from the flight; I'm not even sure what I just said."

Gina stepped into the room and sat down on the bed directly in front of Vanessa then placed her hand firmly on top of her daughter's. "Stop."

Vanessa looked down at her mother's hand on her wrist and did as she was told. She stopped. They had had an uneventful flight across the country, a connecting flight across an ocean, and yet the reason she had brought her mother along still hadn't been discussed.

The young woman pressed her lips together and looked into her mother's eyes. Gina watched simply, reading her daughter's expressions and waiting patiently.

Greg had still not spoken to his wife about the conversations he had shared with their oldest daughter. Instead he chose to tell Gina that Vanessa needed the mother/daughter time and would talk to her, in depth, when she felt the time was right. Even the trip for ice cream had remained their little secret.

And so, Gina waited. "What is Josh up to while you're on this trip?" she wondered and tried to use the less-than-curious question to at least open the door for communication.

"Zac's gonna sell his house," the words tumbled from Vanessa's mouth almost over top of the question Gina had just offered.

"What?" Vanessa's mother asked more for explanation than disbelief.

"Josh…told…me," Vanessa tried to formulate the thoughts, "He…when he was looking at houses, driving around the area, he talked to a realtor…the woman Zac used, I guess…and she told him that Zac was thinking about selling."

Vanessa continued to stand, looking down at her suitcase when Gina moved her hand from Vanessa's and into her own lap. Gina looked down for a moment and then back up at her daughter. She took in a quiet breath.

"Does this matter to you?" Gina tried to ask gently.

Vanessa bit her lip and shrugged as she fiddled with the zipper on her luggage.

"Why does this matter to you?" The mother of the two wanted to play counselor but wasn't sure which side to take on this issue.

Gina had tried to wrap her head around their breakup for months and had yet to succeed. She had tried to figure out how her daughter felt about the separation, but instead of opening up, Vanessa had given them very few clues to work with. So Gina had tried to keep an open mind. Now, perhaps, she would get to peek a little farther into the confusion.

"It's his decision," Vanessa firmed up her chin while continuing to stare down at the silver apparatus between her fingers. "We bought separate houses. That one's his to do with as he pleases."

Gina reached up to grasp Vanessa's bicep just to make sure she had her attention. "He's not…is he moving _in_ with _you_?" she creased her forehead easily showing Vanessa that she truly was on the outside of this conversation looking in.

Vanessa shook her head. "No," she stated plainly. "Exactly the opposite, I think. I think he wants to be farther away from me." Her olive skin paled just a touch at saying the words out loud, words she had assumed.

"Did he tell you that? Have you even talked to him about this?" Gina countered with a stronger voice.

"Not in so many words. I did talk to him on the phone. He never said that directly. But what Dad said makes sense. If we're going to go on with our lives separately then being even ten minutes near each other is too close." Vanessa stepped away from her mother and grabbed a few of her clothes from the suitcase to put away.

"So this is what you and Greg have talked about over the past week?" Gina dug a bit farther.

"Yeah," Vanessa answered from the closet, grabbing some hangers and returning to the opposite side of the bed.

"Ok," Gina turned sideways to face her. "So I ask again, does this matter to you? And if it does, why does it matter to you? It's not like you don't have other friends who live near you and we are practically closer than Zac, minus a freeway in between."

Vanessa's fingers worked deftly with the clothes hangers. Gina noted her daughter's twitching lips and shifting jaw – characteristics she had picked up from her ex-boyfriend.

"Vanessa, Honey, you have to tell me what's going on in your head. God knows right now I'm missing our connection. I don't know what you're thinking; why you're upset…why I'm even on this trip with you other than moral support and a free European vacation," Gina finally sighed with her touch of frustration.

Vanessa dropped the dress she was holding and lifted her hands in the air first before bringing them to her face to just try and grasp her thoughts and feelings of that moment.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to feel, Mom. Honestly, I haven't known how to feel much of anything for months now. When we agreed to separate for a while it was supposed to be easy, we each go work on our projects and then we'd go out to dinner when we're both back in town. Instead it's turned into this game of practically avoiding each other and trying to stay hundreds of miles apart. He even stayed at his parents' house a couple of days longer last week so that I'd be heading out of town when he got home. I don't know what to think or how to feel." She turned her attention back to the clothing in the suitcase.

"Did you ever think that seeing you, just as a friend, might be rough for him?" Gina spread her hand over a wrinkle in the bed cover.

"Well it's rough for me, too. Hell, I didn't think after five years that he'd be selling his house to move _away_ from me, did you?" Vanessa shot back with emotion that her mother fully understood and had been expecting for a while.

"Vanessa, he loved you from the minute he _saw_ you. Before he ever met you officially, he was in love with you. He put you up on a pedestal and then all of a sudden there you were, in his world," Gina pressed.

"But I fell in love with him, too. He was the one I turned to when things fell apart. I knew he would be there for me and would keep loving me. I didn't have to question that - until now. Why do I have to question it now? Why, Mama? Why is he thinking of selling his house – and I have to find out from Josh? Was he just gonna put the 'For Sale' sign out front and leave me completely out of that decision?"

The floodgate holding her tears began to break as she began to realize that Zac's decision, this time, really was _his_ and his _alone_ – she had nothing to do with it.

"Honey…" Gina supported and listened to her knowing the hurt of the breakup was finally beginning to surface. "You said he was just thinking about it. It's just a house."

"No," Vanessa's lips puckered as she cried. "No, it's not. I…we… We helped each other choose our homes. There are parts of both of us in each of our houses. His house…finding it…together… That was supposed to be the start for us, for _us_, getting out on our own, working together to make life decisions. It was… us." She closed her eyes and pursed her lips together as the tears ran down her cheeks. Gina noticed the silent motion of Vanessa's right hand moving over her heart and grasping the material of her shirt as though she was trying to hold onto the beating muscle.

"Vanessa, Sweetheart, did you hear what you just said?" Gina stood quietly and walked around the bed to place her arms around her daughter's waist. She placed her chin on Vanessa's shoulder as Vanessa clutched her mother's arm across her stomach. "If the two of you are supposed to move forward now, separately, then how can he _keep_ that house? If it means this much to you, what do you think it's doing to him, living there, every day? Honey, he's gotta live, too."

"I'm just not sure I can handle it, Mama. Letting go of him, moving on, seeing him move on, and then the house. I know it sounds stupid, it's all material stuff, but I just felt like, I guess, if we kept our houses – the ones we chose together – and the kuuipo rings…our rings…" Vanessa tried to explain her thoughts.

"Baby Girl, it's not stupid. I know this hurts. I know your heart hurts – both of your hearts do. But this material stuff you're talking about, you've shared; it all has special meanings to both of you. But those special meanings, those are your memories now. You can hang onto them, but you can't … live … in them. Zac has let you take steps forward – whether he likes those steps or not, he's letting you move forward. You have to let him do the same thing and that may mean letting him sell his house. The way I see it, you don't have a choice in the matter."

The two women turned to face each other with Vanessa laying her head on her mother's shoulder like she did as a little girl. "You mean he's letting go…and I have to, too."

Gina ran her hand over her daughter's long, soft hair and felt the tears soaking through her blouse. She breathed deeply a few times as Vanessa hugged onto her, not wanting to say the word but subliminally sending the affirmation to her daughter's statement, '_yes_'.

**WhatWeWant-Chapter5-Choices**

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><p><strong>As always, reviews, pm's, and messages are always welcome and appreciated!<br>KTZLF! -adc  
><strong>


	6. Forward Motion

**In Chapter 5 of What We Want:**

_Zac crossed his arms across his chest and took in a couple of deep breaths. "Greg, I don't have an answer for you or for Vanessa. Am I thinking about selling the house? Yeah. I told her that on the phone, directly. But I haven't made a final decision. You can tell Vanessa…hell, I'll call and tell her…this is a decision that I've gotta make. If it's any consolation – if it really means that much to her - I'll let her know personally, somehow, when I decide, ok?"_

_Greg nodded and stood up, ready to leave. "I'm sorry. I just want to help my daughter. This is just rough, Son. All the way around it's just a trying, unfortunate, unhappy situation."_

_Zac stepped toward the back of the couch, lifted the blanket off the furniture and folded it into a smaller rectangle. "I'm sorry, too, Greg. I love her, too, and I don't like to see her scared or hurting. I'll be in touch with her, ok? You don't have to be the go between." He held out the bed covering and waited for Greg to take it with a questioning shake of his head._

_"Vanessa will need this when she gets back from Europe. It's her post-flight cocoon. I bet she's missed it the past few months. She should've taken it home with her. There's no need for it to stay here. I don't need it. When you talk to her," Zac again put his hand to the back of his neck and sighed, "just tell her I hope she and Gina have a great time. I got her text, and she's right, London's not the same without us being together."_

_"Vanessa, Sweetheart, did you hear what you just said?" Gina stood quietly and walked around the bed to place her arms around her daughter's waist. She placed her chin on Vanessa's shoulder as Vanessa clutched her mother's arm across her stomach. "If the two of you are supposed to move forward now, separately, then how can he keep that house? If it means this much to you, what do you think it's doing to him, living there, every day? Honey, he's gotta live, too."_

_"I'm just not sure I can handle it, Mama. Letting go of him, moving on, seeing him move on, and then the house. I know it sounds stupid, it's all material stuff, but I just felt like, I guess, if we kept our houses – the ones we chose together – and the kuuipo rings…our rings…" Vanessa tried to explain her thoughts._

_"Baby Girl, it's not stupid. I know this hurts. I know your heart hurts – both of your hearts do. Zac has let you take steps forward – whether he likes those steps or not, he's letting you move forward. You have to let him do the same thing. The way I see it, you don't have a choice in the matter."_

_The two women turned to face each other with Vanessa laying her head on her mother's shoulder like she did as a little girl. "You mean he's letting go…and I have to, too."_

_Gina ran her hand over her daughter's long, soft hair and felt the tears soaking through her blouse. She breathed deeply a few times as Vanessa hugged onto her, not wanting to say the word but subliminally sending the affirmation to her daughter's statement, 'yes'._

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><p><strong><strong>What We Want - Chapter 6 - Forward Motion<strong>**

The next few weeks passed all too quickly for both members of the ex-couple. Zac spent time with other people he had befriended or family members that came to visit him, while Vanessa continued her promo tour - minus her mom - following the European visit. She discovered one thing over and over again: it was much more difficult to endure questions about her broken relationship now that it had become just that – broken.

The young actress had to admit that it felt better to talk to her mother about the confusing emotions instead of holding them in. However, no amount of talking was fixing the growing empty space inside of her that widened every time she thought about Zac moving away. If there was ever a time that she would really love to simply talk to him, this was it.

There had been a text from Zac after Vanessa and Gina returned from England and France. He just wanted to make sure she got the blanket that Greg had picked up. After the number of tearful conversations she and Gina had shared during that week she desperately wanted to call him, thank him for sending the cherished item home to her, and ask him if he was going to sell his place.

Instead she settled for leaving a somewhat pre-planned voice mail message. She smiled inwardly as she chose to call during his work-out time, knowing he wouldn't answer. After five years with the man she knew some things wouldn't change.

"_Hey, Zac, um, yeah, it's me, Vanessa. Yes, Dad had the blanket waiting for me when Mom and I got home. I spent the first night back with them; didn't want to come home to the empty house…well, you know... Of course you know, that's why you sent the blanket back. Anyway, yeah, thank you…for sending that with him. And…I'm sorry, I'm rambling…but thanks for talking to Dad, too. I know that had to be awkward. Oh, yeah, I, um, I saw the thing with…I mean…You know, never mind, it's good to see that you're getting to hang out with friends and stuff. Yeah, so, um, I'll talk to you later, I guess. Love you…"_

Vanessa cringed at herself after the last two words but she had taken a long deep breath and just left things as they were. _Space and time…_ she told herself, _space and time. _The mantra had become one of the few ways she found to pull herself together during the time she was spending alone.

**ZVZVZV**

Zac listened to the voice mail several times for several reasons. First and foremost, just to hear her voice. Secondly, she stumbled through the message. It wasn't her usual upbeat voice leaving him some giggling note of support or reassurance. And third, he just wanted to hear her say those last two words over and over again.

He held the phone to his ear letting the message play for the umpteenth time as he wandered through the living room and into his master bedroom with a drink in his other hand. He lingered in the doorway, realizing that he had avoided this room ever since he returned from San Luis. He looked reluctantly at the simple pictures on the dresser and nightstand, the pillowcases on the bed, the jewelry box that sat on the nightstand by _her_ side of the bed. Then he put his drink down on the opposite table, slid the phone into his pocket and walked around the bed.

His hand stayed in his pocket, holding onto the phone, as he thought again about selling his home. His body went limp with his true feelings. He couldn't do it; he couldn't leave the house, even with the memories that plagued him there. He couldn't leave – mainly _because_ of those memories. But - he realized in that moment – he had to make some changes…changes that would hurt, and yet they couldn't be avoided any longer.

Before he realized just how lost he was in his thoughts, he sat down on _her_ side of the bed and reached over to open the jewelry box. There were a few items inside of it, but two in particular caused a knot in his stomach. The two matching rings sat side by side, untouched in months. She had left hers there claiming that she would come to get the entire jewelry box - if she needed it.

He knew why she hadn't picked it up. It was the same reason he hadn't taken it to her or picked up his own belongings from her home. Not only did she not _need_ it, she didn't want to deal with the prospect of not needing it. He knew her feelings exactly. If she didn't have the ring - if it was still with him - then there was still some kind of attachment that one or both of them could fall back on.

Ku'uipo, in Hawaiian, means Sweetheart. For them the matching kuuipo rings meant far more than that. It represented a time in their lives when the two of them meant everything to each other. The rings meant love, devotion, commitment. And yet, sitting side by side inside a wooden box, they meant nearly nothing. That thought left a stinging feeling over his face as though he'd been slapped with reality.

_Nothing._ At that point in time, staring at the rings, that's what he had in the way of a personal life. Without Vanessa, he had _nothing_.

Zac closed his eyes as the thought struck him. He picked up her ring, the smaller one of the pair, and held it between his index finger and thumb as he stared at it. He remembered sliding the ring on her finger and professing his love and devotion to her. It was a thought that made him swallow to try and loosen the tight feeling in his throat. He could still see her smile and hear her voice singing to him as she returned his loving words.

And yet the rings were sitting there now; their meaning lost due to distance and separation. The irony of the situation was that their love for each other - their promises to help each other be happy and to help each other build their careers – had brought about the distance and separation which was now tearing them apart.

He placed her ring back in the box and took out his, then slid it onto his right ring finger. He twisted it slowly feeling the cool gold move around his skin. He was surprised that after so long the jewelry didn't feel foreign to him. It actually still felt perfectly right.

He had told Vanessa weeks ago that she didn't need to pick up her things. Now he was re-thinking that idea. Perhaps getting some of her personal belongings out of _his_ house would help him move forward, farther than he had already.

That idea made him lick his parched lips, pull his phone from his pocket and dial the familiar number. And although he wanted to talk to her he prayed this call would go to voice mail, knowing that if she did answer and he was forced to speak with her directly, he would more than likely back down from what he wanted – and needed – to say. When her recorded voice spoke into his ear he sighed with relief. So good to hear her voice, and yet, his prayer was answered.

"Hey, Van, it's me. Listen, I told your dad he didn't have to be a go-between for us about the house stuff. So, I think I've made a decision. I'm not gonna sell. But, I do need to make some changes, some rearranging and redecorating and stuff. I'm gonna…um…get some of your stuff together and I can either bring it to you or you can pick it up…whatever. But listen, it's not that I want it out of the house. I mean, I do, kind of," he faltered, "I mean, you know, of course it reminds me of you, and that's great, but…but it hurts, too, Van. But I'm not mad about that or anything. It's just with all the traveling we're both doing and stuff, just not being around, I just think it'll be easier if you have your stuff. You know? So, yeah, that's pretty much it. If you can just let me know. Maybe it's best if we meet somewhere or something? You just let me know what works best for you. Ok, love you, bye."

He pressed the 'end' button and then tossed the phone on the bed before lifting his hand to the back of his neck and kneading profusely at the strained muscles. There it was, step one of his move forward. Step one of closing the wide open hole that had grown from his heart throughout his entire body. He chewed on his bottom lip and sucked a long breath in through his nose.

Step forward number one… Now he just had to avoid taking two steps backwards, somehow.

**ZVZVZV**

The response Zac received was certainly not what he expected. Vanessa's tearful, yet angry-sounding _"I don't have time right now. Why don't you just box things up and have a courier bring them to my house?" _was hurtful and even more painful on a higher level.

Zac had listened to that message twice and then deleted it. Step one wasn't going to move smoothly to step two – whatever that might be. Apparently there would be some sort of half step in between. After long thoughts he forced himself _not_ to make that step an apology call. With a sad shake of his head he pushed the phone back into his pocket. He wouldn't take a half step back to try and make things right…he just couldn't.

He decided at that moment that he also wouldn't give in to her angry request. He couldn't stand the thought of sending their memories through a stranger's hands in a box truck. Yet he vowed to himself that he wouldn't leave the pictures and reminders out in the open. Nor would he make another attempt to force them back into her possession. Instead he would box them up and store them out of sight in the attic.

**ZVZVZV**

Changing the bed covers wasn't hard. How many times had he taken the sheets off the bed after a night of love-making? How many times had _she_ rolled her eyes at his boyish grin while shoving the items into the washing machine? Minus the grin he did the exact same thing. _"They're just getting washed,"_ he told himself before opening the new package of bed linens.

Clearing out the two drawers of her clothes was more challenging, especially with the feel of her silky lingerie in his hands and the smell of her perfume and even laundry detergent on some of the items. He felt a touch of relief knowing the bed was stripped. Otherwise, his mind conjured up a sad picture of himself lying on the sheets she had chosen, clutching one of his favorite items that she used to tease him in the bedroom.

"_Man up, Efron."_ He tried to chuckle at himself as he placed the items in the cardboard box. _"It's just clothes. And you know she has more at her own home. She's probably forgotten about these by now. It's been months."_

And as quickly as he tried to push the thoughts of her aside, the ache inside his body pushed back equally as hard. He looked at each item and then began stuffing them into the box. _"If she doesn't need them then there's no need to fold them neatly. No need to bother with that at all." _With that he grabbed the remainder of soft items in the drawer and shoved them all in at once.

He turned, looking around the bedroom. A picture here, a necklace or bracelet there…he tried hard to think of any reason that her jewelry was still out and in sight when the jewelry box was right there on the bedside table. He knew the answer, the real reason. It was because he wanted to believe she was coming back.

Zac finally took a deep breath. Of the three pictures of them that lived in this room he decided to leave one. The picture of the two of them 'frolicking' in the ocean was always one of her favorites, and his. That was them at their purest, at their simplest and in love. If this was, in fact, the end of their relationship, that was the way he wanted to remember them. He took the other two framed photos and slid them into the box with her clothing. They would be protected there, safe from being broken – unlike his heart.

He looked at the one other item left. The wooden box held the two golden bands that had been their promise to each other. He realized he could empty that box of everything else, throw the contents in the trash, and she would never miss another piece of the gold, silver, diamonds or rubies. But if those two precious circles were gone it would signify what they both were apparently feeling… lost, empty, forgotten.

Zac pulled open a drawer at the bottom of the case and took a small velvet box out of the compartment. He opened the box and pulled out the birthstone ring that Stella had bought for Vanessa for her 21st birthday. He then opened the lid of the jewelry box and slid the gift into one of the ring notches. His last move was to take out Vanessa's kuuipo ring and place it gently into the velvet box.

He knew of just a few other small items that didn't need to be pushed to the attic storage. The small clear plastic box was where he would put this item along with those before creating a plan to get these items back to his _former_ girlfriend…whether she wanted them or not.

**ZVZVZVZVZV**

When the movie promo tour ended for Vanessa the ties between her and Zac had been stretched beyond frazzled. There had been little to no communication other than messages sent between their friends or subtle hints in the media that they were thinking about each other. Somehow, both had found ways to take a few more steps forward.

She had regretted leaving him the voice mail about her belongings. She knew it was almost hateful, but that was the emotion that hit hardest when she had gotten his soft spoken message about moving forward. She knew he didn't intend to hurt her, but she just couldn't help the anger that punched out at him because he was actually trying to let go.

That's where the contact had ended. He had provided the answer that she so adamantly wanted – he wasn't going to sell his house. The belongings - the _stuff - _was nothing more than a reminder to each of them. Did it really matter whose house housed the memories? Even without looking at physical items, the remembrances would always be there.

On the outside the paparazzi snapped pictures of each of them showing their separate lives. Every male or female companion was suddenly a new significant other or love interest. For both the pictures hurt and the thought of moving on still left a sour taste in their mouths.

Zac held on to the small clear box for 'safe-keeping' he told himself. He had packed his own special ring away in a drawer of his dresser in the back corner. His heart beat faster every time his fingers skimmed over that box. The container holding Vanessa's ring had been placed in a kitchen cabinet, visible to him on a regular basis, but not out in the open.

Vanessa had bypassed boxes for Zac's things, deciding to just clear out a corner of a guest bedroom closet to hang his suits, store his shoes and to put away a few of the keepsakes that reminded her of him. To her, packing boxes only made things real. Without the feeling of moving on she was making the attempt – or at least feigning it. One by one, during her time at home she had taken down pictures; replacing them with those of family members or new friends she had made.

And yet in her master bedroom there was still one picture of the two of them that remained: Hawaii, the Pacific Ocean, her arms wrapped around his neck with smiles on both of their faces. It was the same photograph that sat on Zac's dresser. The one that she swore would never be repeated, until the same unauthorized photographer caught them in the same Hawaiian surf again sometime around their twentieth anniversary.

The thought made her smile. The memory made her smile. The love in their eyes made her smile. And if she thought about it for too long, she felt another little piece of her heart break.

She was pulling on her jeans when her phone rang with a number which was quickly becoming familiar. She turned away from the picture immediately as she accepted the call. "Hey, Austin!" she smiled and nibbled lightly on her bottom lip. "Yeah, I'm almost dressed. I'll meet you guys at the restaurant."

It had been almost a year. She turned back and looked at the picture on the dresser, letting her stomach flip-flop lightly. The slight glimmer in that picture made her stare for a minute longer. She knew where her kuippo ring was. She knew exactly where it was. It was in Zac's possession. Much like a chunk of her heart, it was still in his possession. That thought felt safe. Her heartbeat sped up as her eyes moved from the ring on her finger in the picture to the face of the man holding her and then over to the phone where a new face adorned her screensaver.

She wiped the soft smile off her face and took the few steps to reach the shelf where the frame sat. With a solemn look she pulled the fun-loving picture down and held it in her left hand. She used her right index finger to trace the outline of Zac's body as she tilted her head and looked at him.

"I'm trying, Zac. I…I don't like being alone. You know that. Do I like being without you? No. But I understand and I know that _we_ agreed to this. You agreed to let me see other people – so I won't be alone…and I agreed that work is important in both our lives. I'm going on a date today, with Austin…yeah, the one who was in the movie with Ash. He's really nice and I think he'll take care of me. I just can't bring myself to call or text and tell you. I keep imagining you'll be angry and I don't want that. I just want you to be happy… and I want you to be happy…for me. We're both taking big steps, Zac. I just want both of us to be happy."

She kissed the tip of her finger and then placed it between his shoulder blades before laying the picture on its back on the shelf. She would put it with the rest of his stuff in the closet later…maybe.

Vanessa pulled her top on and then her boots before scratching Shadow behind the ears and giving her a kiss on the top of her head. "Be good, Baby. Mommy'll be back in a little bit. She may have a new friend for you to meet!" She watched as the little animal looked up at her with black eyes and simply opened her tiny mouth with a miniature bark to give her approval.

Before leaving her house Vanessa opened her phone to a message from Ashley.

"_Have you told him?"_

"No," Vanessa typed back. "I'm not sure how to."

In the next moment her phone rang. Ashley didn't even bother with a 'hello' before gently lighting into her best friend.

"_He needs to know, Ness."_

"Ash, it's just a date. Josh and I dated for a little bit. I've been out here and there with other guys. Austin and I have been at your place together a couple of times for dinner and drinks."

"_Yes, but today we're out in public. You…you kinda act around Austin the way you acted around Zac. There're a lot of similarities…and it's happened pretty quickly. You have to admit. You know one picture of you holding onto Austin will hit him right where it hurts. He deserves at least a little warning."_

"Ashley, it's a _date._ What do you want me to do? I'm not gonna wind up in bed with him this afternoon. It's not like he's proposed to me. And so what that I haven't told Zac. We haven't talked in months. Why all of a sudden would I tell him that I'm dating someone? Talk about an unexpected slap where it hurts!"Vanessa's voice raised slightly with the bit of frustration she was feeling.

"_I just thought it might be nice to hear it directly from you, that's all…before pictures hit the web or something," _Ashley answered with a touch of hurt in her tone.

"You've talked to him haven't you," Vanessa suddenly realized why the concern was coming from her friend. "What have you told him, Ash?"

"_Of course I've talked to him, Vanessa. He's still a friend of mine. I check in on him, ok? Is there something wrong with that? What have I told him? I've told him that you're doing fine – every time he asks about you – and that you're lining up projects and hanging out with friends."_

"He asks about me?" Vanessa's voice softened. "I…I'm glad you keep in touch with him. I hope he's doing ok too."

"_I feel like I need to tell him something. I'm meeting you guys, I introduced you… Honestly, Ness, I feel like I'm betraying Zac. Can I at least tell him you're going on a date?"_

"I guess, if you feel like you need to," Vanessa sighed as she rolled her eyes. "Ash, I gotta tell you, honestly, it really shouldn't matter to him. We've had plenty of opportunities to get together and chat. The first few months I sent him a list of dates when I was free and asked him to get together with me and he wouldn't do it. I can't believe there weren't any of them that we couldn't work out. He's moved on – whether he's dating or not - he's moved on and he's gotta expect that I'm going to as well." Vanessa felt her body stiffen as she tried to feel the stoic emotions that she was trying to portray to her friend.

"Neither of us should be sitting around waiting on the other to make a move. The move was made when we decided to take a break. It was made when he told me that the distance would be too much and when I told him that I'd like us both to see other people."

"_Saying it and seeing it are two different things, though, Sweetheart," _Ashley added.

"I'm aware of that. But he's a big boy, Ashley. He can take it."

"_Can you?"_ Ashley's simple question did what she intended, and she knew it when Vanessa's voice paused. On this subject the two just couldn't reach an agreement.

After several moments Vanessa let out a confused and frustrated sigh. "I'll see you at the restaurant in a few, ok?"

"_Yeah," _her friend answered hesitantly. _"Meet you there."_

**WhatWeWant-Chapter6-Forward Motion**

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><p><strong><strong>As always, reviews, pm's, and messages are always welcome and appreciated!<br>KTZLF! -adc****


	7. What We Want

**A/N: Wow, I really thought I had posted this final chapter of this story - guess not. I'm SORRY! Can I suggest going back and reading the last chapter of this story before you read this one? Otherwise it may not make as much sense.**

**Thanks everyone. I'm not sure when or if I will have another story to share with you on FanFic, but I may have one on FictionPress. You can keep tabs of me on my FaceBook account - check my FanFic profile page for that info! And, whether you believe it or not, I am still KTZLF'ing - and always will. ;)**

**As always, your reviews, comments, pm's and any other messages are ALWAYS welcome and appreciated!**

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><p><strong>What We Want - Chapter 7 - What We Want<strong>

And what a shot it was… like a gunshot, straight to his heart. For a few minutes as he stared it was hard to breathe. For the next few minutes it was hard to focus on the picture because of his hardening gaze and his somewhat dilated pupils. And then the next moment he just felt blank. It wasn't an empty or angry feeling. It wasn't a cold chill or a wave of heat. It was just blank, as though he wasn't sure of who he was or where he was or what he was supposed to be doing.

Zac realized in that moment that a portion of 'him' was really gone. For five years the two of them together had somewhat defined each other. And now, that part of him was gone. The definition that had been his other half wasn't just fading, it had now disappeared.

He blinked a few times to try and bring himself back into his own reality and looked away from the computer screen. As he breathed deeply and swallowed quietly he came to the conclusion that _this_ was what he/they had agreed to. There was still love in his heart for her. There was still a piece of him that wanted to protect her and dared this other young man to hurt her in any way. And yet there was just a little bit of peace that came along just by seeing her happy and smiling. Yes, this was what they had agreed to.

He looked for just another minute at the picture and couldn't bring himself to even minimize the screen. But he got up from the computer and walked away, heading into the kitchen for a glass of water.

As he opened the cabinet door the corner of the plastic container on the top shelf caught his eye. The velvet box that he could see inside practically called out to him to get it out of the house. _The time has come._ Zac stretched the few inches needed to pull the box off the shelf and he sat it on the counter.

He stared at the contents inside just like he had stared at the picture of Vanessa with Austin. A ticket stub…a plastic baggie with lily petals inside…a toy necklace with a 'T' charm attached…a CD of music…a few random pictures from a photo booth where they had made silly faces…a People magazine cover declaring that they had found an 'on-set romance'…and the velvet box containing her kuuipo ring.

They were all items that Vanessa had cherished and wanted to save; all were mementos of that five-year relationship that had helped them grow into the people they are now. He didn't take the top off the box but stood and stared, remembering the significance of each item.

_Now_, he thought, _now she's telling me we're through… A phone call would've been nice, but I get it. Now it's time for me to let her know that I get the message. I understand; it's fine._

Before he could overthink the matter he went to the desk and grabbed a pen and a pad of paper. Sitting down at the kitchen counter he held the pen over the paper in his right hand and placed his left on his forehead, letting his head rest in his hand with his elbow propped on the granite top.

He thought for several minutes and then wrote a few simple words. Then he pulled out his phone and called their shared best friend.

"Ash, can you do me a favor, please?"

**ZVZVZVZVZV**

Austin stood behind Vanessa as she answered the door and looked at Ashley's sad face.

"What's up?" Vanessa questioned, curious as to Ashley's unexpected phone call, asking to come over at that very moment. At the sight of her friend's face she also asked abruptly, "Ash, what's wrong?"

"I…" the blonde glanced up at Austin and then back at Vanessa before she pulled the clear plastic box from the shopping bag she was holding. Ashley pressed her lips together and raised her head a little higher.

"I was asked to bring this to you," she said simply and held out the box.

Vanessa creased her eyebrows as she first spotted the small ring box in the corner and then her eyes widened as the magazine cover and baggie of flower petals caught her attention.

"What is it?" Austin asked, looking down at the box now in Vanessa's hands. He recognized the pictures, realization knocking him quiet as he understood who this delivery was from.

Instead of attempting to answer or explain, Ashley pressed her lips together into a forced smile. She tried to soften her gaze as Vanessa looked back and forth between her female friend and the box gingerly resting in her hands. After just a few glances, Vanessa's sight stayed on the box.

Before Vanessa could think of anything to say, Ashley turned away and silently began to step down the stairs of her friend's home. In her state of surprise with a stare fixated on the items in the clear plastic, Vanessa barely registered her friend leaving.

She felt a pair of warm hands on her shoulders which made her close her eyes. When she blinked them open her girlfriend was halfway down the steps.

"Ash, wait!" Vanessa raised her voice but didn't move from the doorway.

Ashley stopped and turned around but didn't make a move to go back up the steps. "He saw the pictures from the restaurant," she said, trying to avoid an _I-told-you-so_ tone butprojecting her voice enough to make sure Vanessa could hear her. "He said to tell you he's happy for you…you look happy."

Austin kept quiet but gently massaged her tense arm muscles. Vanessa couldn't find the words to answer Ashley. She watched as their friend turned back around and headed down to her car at the curb in front of the house.

Vanessa nodded her head as though Ashley could see her and then slowly closed the door and leaned back against Austin's chest.

"Are you ok?" He asked simply, torn between whether he should be consoling his girlfriend or cursing her ex who had just sent over this box of memories.

Vanessa nodded at first and then shook her head and pulled the plastic closer to her chest. Austin stood with her and wrapped his arms around her waist as he kissed the top of her head.

"What can I do?" he asked softly. When she didn't answer he simply released his hold on her and quietly led her farther into the house to sit on the couch. He sat down on the coffee table across from her and looked at the box in her hands.

"Do you want me to go?" he watched her face for any signs she might give.

"No," she whispered. "No, don't go. I don't want to be by myself. But.. I don't… I just…" she stumbled with her thoughts. "Don't, um, don't be mad at Zac, ok?" she spoke slightly louder with her pleading instruction.

"Ok," Austin answered. "Are you?"

Vanessa glanced up at his slightly hardened gaze and ran her hand over the top of the box. She answered with a quiet sigh and shaky voice, "No." She looked back down through the lid and stared at the items. "He called and told me he needed to make some changes. He wanted to meet somewhere but I told him to just send things through a courier. I – I should've told him about _us_." Vanessa looked back up at Austin's face. He was trying to understand but just wasn't sure what was happening so she continued. "He's just returning some of _my_ things. I…I guess I should tell you that there are still some of his clothes and shoes and some things in one of the guest room closets. We… you have to know, Austin, there will always be a special place in my heart… I'm always going to love him. Whether I'm with you or someone else… you just have to know that a part of me will always love Zac."

The young man thought for a moment as he watched the slight, sad smile form on her face. She removed the lid of the box and began picking up the various items. He sat quietly watching a few tears drip from her eyes, seeing her smile widen and hearing her chuckle at the memories going through her mind.

He wanted to ask her thoughts, to join in her joy and her tears but something in his heart told him to let her be. He wanted to ask her if she and Zac actually were 'over' but his gut feeling told him that he really didn't want to hear her answer. So he pushed his wants from his mind and sat still on the seat he had chosen, simply watching her relive the moments represented by the things in front of them.

She picked up the ring box last, nervous and unsure at what she would find in there. She looked up at Austin and pursed her lips together.

"What's in it?" He wondered curiously.

"I'm a little scared to open it," Vanessa admitted. "I'm afraid…" she paused and shook her head. "Austin, if it's an engagement ring…" her eyes filled with tears at the thought that perhaps she just hadn't waited long enough.

"Nessa, just open it," he encouraged. He was again fighting the emotions of sadness and anger, wondering exactly what Zac was trying to pull with this gesture.

She slowly opened the small box to find her golden band sitting inside. While she let out a slight sigh of relief she also sucked in a breath to try and hold back her tears. _Was Zac really giving back this piece of their past? Was he really willing to let that go? _She wondered amongst her tears.

Then she realized it was her ring; only her ring. Zac had kept his and was giving her what was hers. For the first time in over a year, in her mind, the set of rings was split, apart from each other. _That represents…us…_ her mind and heart told her.

Austin watched as her shaking hands pulled the ring from its spot and held it gingerly between her fingers. He knew exactly what it was, a part of her relationship with Zac that had been shared with the world.

When a piece of paper fell from the ring box Austin bent to pick it up, unfolded it and handed it to Vanessa.

She couldn't help but cry as she read the words to herself. She slowly shook her head and looked at Austin with tear-filled eyes. "I…need a little time, ok?" She pushed the rest of the box into Austin's hands and nervously slid the kuuipo ring onto her right ring finger. She also handed him the ring box and then held the small slip of paper against her heart as she cried and lay herself down on the couch.

He sat the box carefully beside him on the table and then reached over to move some hair out of her face. "I'm not leaving you like this. I'm just going to the kitchen to get some water, ok? But I'll be right back," he assured her gently.

Vanessa didn't react other than the quiet sniffles and tears overflowing from her eyes.

When he returned with a small glass of water she was wiping her eyes and reading the words again. He knelt beside her and asked something she didn't expect.

"Is Zac going to be ok, with us?" he looked into her eyes with genuine thought.

She took a deep breath and reached out to run her thumb over his cheek. "I don't know. I think he's trying to be." She turned the note around so that he could read the handwriting.

"_Van, be happy. I'll always love you, my Ku'uipo."_

Austin pressed a kiss to her forehead and stood, placing his hands loosely on his hips. "He still cares," he noted without looking into her face.

"Yeah," Vanessa agreed.

"And you still care for him. I know that. I get it," Austin continued as he remained standing.

Vanessa nodded and waited for him to say something else. Was he going to challenge her request that he not be mad at Zac? "And?" she finally asked raising her head to look into Austin's face.

"He's a hard act to follow, Vanessa." Austin stepped away from her and kept his back turned toward her. "Knowing he still loves you…and you love him, even after a year apart…that's – I know we aren't far into _our_ relationship – but that's just something I guess I need to accept, huh?"

He heard Vanessa take in a deep breath behind him. This was certainly not the time to pick a fight with her over her supposed ex. But the subject was something that they would have to face at some point.

"I don't have a good answer for you right now," Vanessa spoke a little stronger. "All I can say is that Zac will always be a part of who I am. What we want in life may change as time goes on. But who we love, who we've loved, you can't deny that. No matter where I am in a year or ten years or fifty years, Austin, if someone asks me about Zac I can't deny what I felt for him – what part of me still feels for him. I do love him."

"Okay," the younger man turned to face his girlfriend with an unsure look on his face. "But if you love him, then why are you not still with him?"

Vanessa tried to hold her sight on Austin's eyes. She tried to think of an answer that would be suitable for both of them that would ease his current worries and help her to put the ring on her finger back into the little velvet box.

Both of them blinked, waiting on Vanessa to speak. "Because we were going different directions. Yes I love him but right now that's just not enough. I'm not going to run back to him. I can't. Our breakup was what both of us wanted. Our moving on, it's what we both wanted. There will always be a piece of me with him – and him with me. But I'm not running back to him or his bed. This…box…he's telling me that he's moving on; so am I. I'm not sure what else to tell you except that I'm here with you right now. I need you to trust me. Two years ago you couldn't get us apart. We've grown, we've separated, we're moving on. Even though this all hurts and upsets me, I need you to trust me while I get my heart back in order. Okay?"

Her quiet, firm tone told Austin to simply nod and shut-up. She had made her point and in his mind he had to come to terms with that point – if he wanted to continue their relationship building.

He stepped back toward her and took her chin in his fingers to tilt her head back enough to place a light kiss on her lips. Without smiles he stepped beyond the couch and headed toward the kitchen.

Vanessa waited for her current boyfriend to walk away before reading Zac's note again and letting a few more tears escape. She looked over at the box on the table where she could see the photo booth snapshots looking back at her. She smiled at the memory and removed the golden ring from her finger.

Her hand felt light and empty as she placed the band back in the box and carefully placed it into the clear container. She brushed her lips against the note and then placed it in the larger box with the other mementos.

With just one more look over the various items she stood from the couch and headed up the stairs to her bedroom.

"You'll always be my Ku'uipo too, Zac. I will always love you." She told herself. With a deep breath she tiptoed and placed the box up on the shelf in the back of her closet. Out of sight, out of mind, but not gone completely.

She let out a steadying breath before walking out of the closet and heading down the stairs. Vanessa had one last thought about her previous love and the choices they had made together.

_We made this decision together, Zac. I hope we don't regret it. I hope this…is what we want._

**WhatWeWant-The End-WhatWeWant  
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